Monday, December 31, 2007

The obligatory New Year post where I choose to rant, yet again.

I do not know what it is, but words such as the "Festive season", "Festive cheer", "Bonanza", "Dhamaka", "Ho! Ho! Ho!", "The Christmas spirit" and the like give me a bad skin reaction. Like, I have to itch and scratch myself all over, like I have Henoch-Schonlein purpura (or something as dreadful sounding), like I have to throw things at you, ranging from truck-driver profanities to my now old mobile phone. I mean, what do you do when random people from your past you wish had forgotten you, write in inanities like "Merry Christmas! May Mother Mary and Her Immaculately Conceived child always be with you"; inanities I say, because the said person thinks Christmas is "kewl"; inanities I say, because said person conveniently chose to be oblivious to Gowri-Ganesha, Deepawali, Yugaadi; inanities I say, because said person's last name is Bhyre Gowda with family based in Honagondanahalli.
Also, will people ever stop saying, "What plans for new year's?" Since when did sitting in front of television all night watching Bollywood Star Magical Nite begin to be lame and not sound like a plan? These fancy pubs with "hip-hop music, yo maan" may eat shit.
This "Holiday Season" depresses me, I tell you. Contrived camaraderie it breeds.

Among other things, I recently saw two really ugly, really black crows making out. Just when I thought I had seen it all, the next day I chanced upon two lizards making out. Gah, what is this conspiracy to spite me, it makes me wonder. That too, by making out.

So you see, much has changed over this past year.
My idea of AARGH! has shifted from Michael Jackson to lizards making out.
I actually know what the fuck Tetralogy of Fallot is all about.
My chin has acquired a shapely scar.
My parents think buying a dog would have been a better investment.
Et cetera.

But you see, much isn't going to change over this next year. Which is what makes every Happy New Year such an abused oxymoron. I was hideous last new year, and going by the looks of it, much isn't going to change over this weekend. Here's why there is going to be nothing new about this next year. (Don't even get me started on "happy")

*Loved ones will continue to make wrong choices.

Seriously, Amma, nine Kannada serials a day is NOT healthy. Not even if one of them happens to have Anant Nag. And certainly not when one serial has a character that has had amnesia THREE times. And for the last time, you can't call someone pregnant by checking their tongue or feeling their pulse, and dear lord, Brain Transplants are NOT the answer to every loose end. They are not the answer to anything.

*Hutch will continue to be a bitch.

And insist on sending me messages of this nature. Sung to tune -

Ooh! Aah! Let the music play,
Express what you want to say,
Make your loved one happy and gay,
Dial 123815, dedicate a song to make someone's day,
What say?

Where do I even start about this one? What are they on, these people at Hutch? Not even Maarimuttu Special Country Toddy. That will knock you flat, but not make your IQ -10.

*That Thing Pink will continue to be That Thing Pink.

That Thing Karan Johar, that one. It will continue to make statements like "Film Fraternity", "In the film fraternity, I am the the Devil that wears Prada occasionally", "Pink is the new black. Film fraternity", "Film fraternity, King Khan is the greatest darling, in the film fraternity", "Film fraternity". We get it, That Thing Pink. No fraternity accepted you; no, not even one called Gamma Alpha Upsilon. (Let's not even get to the sororities.) And now, you have forced yourself into a fraternity, and CANNOT hide your glee. We Get It.
That Thing Pink will also continue to set new levels of atrocity by making another film, with That Other Thing Pink that has the mental faculty to carry off about one and a half emotions.

*The Times of India will continue to be my mother's favored grease paper.

Hugh Grant arrested for hitting lensman with a can of baked beans makes it to the year's roundup. Shakira raises temperature in Mumbai, Yuvraj-Deepika-Dhoni love affair gives television enough grist for days on end, Salman Rushdie splits with Padma Lakshmi and hooks up with Star Wars' Carrie Fisher, are some of the other things that altered the course of our lives over the past year.
Are these guys for real or what? Then of course, Bangalore Times will continue to catch us off guard every so often with its witty captions, not to mention Rohit Barker's opinion about everything from armpit hair to the Human Genome Project; from the best ways to comb your dog's hair to the implications of the latest G8 summit on third world countries.

*Chetan Bhagat will continue to write and (the horror, the horror) be read.

He will finish writing his third book, which will be about Who Gives A Fuck, and will term these three books as The Urban Indian Trilogy. Kewl dewds with streaked hair, and kewl chicks with embroidered jeans will buy original copies from Landmark, take over a week to plow through it, and later partake in intellectual conversation over their NSeries phones with other kewl peeps urging them to -
"2 reed it....itz v kewl. chtn bhgt ma favvvv ryter... :) :) :)!!!!!"
"u reed 22222222 (read, tooooooo) much buks ya...!!!
"ya ya, i m a bookie lolzzz!!!..."
"i herd sydney shelda also iz v gud ryter??????..."
"ya ya, hez ma favvv forin ryter....but ind onleee chtn bhgt. ma favvv, sply hiz l8est!!!!!!"
"ohhh vot itz abt????? :) :)"
"u no, abt peeps n all, itz v v kewl. chtn bhgt ma favvvv ryter... :) :) :)!!!!!"
"k..... :) :) :) !!!!!"
":) :) :) !!!"

They will also of course gang up and go watch the films based on his literary masterpieces, but would be visibly perturbed.
"i dint lyk movie ya..... 1 nyt @ cal centr was suchhhhh a nys buk..... films nevah do justis 2 buks :( :( :( :( !!!!!!!"
"k.... :( :( :( :( itz ok ya"
":) :) :) :)"
(Don't ask me why, but smileys have to come even here)

GAH is an appropriate term.

*Deve Gowda will continue to be a bastard.

Can you frikkin believe our misfortune? What we would give to have this lump of lard outsourced to Pakistan and have it blown up to smithereens. Poor Benazir, she was kinda cute even. And was Ivy League and Oxford educated. Lump of Lard on the other hand, went to some godforsaken lightning struck tabela on the outskirts of Holenarsipura.
As if putting us Kannadigas to inconceivable shame during his time as Prime Minister was not enough (the man actually fell asleep and rested his head on the shoulder of the Chief Justice of India, and drooled. Now, if it was on that wretched D Raja of the CPI-M, I'd give full marks to LoL, but this is the CJI, darnit), he goes ahead and behaves like an orangutan in heat on Crack. Can you believe the kind of foreign investment the state has lost ever since the bastard decided to act up and show that he was in fact menopausal? The last I heard, it was upwards of 50,000 crore rupees.
I hope, I fervently hope some Botulinum toxin makes its way into his Ragi Muddes somehow.

*Indian News Media will continue to be Ekta Kapoor's playground.

Karan Thapar. I do not like him. What is the need to clench his teeth for everything? And to talk in that argh-grates-my-nerves-in-ways-I-did-not-think-possible accent?
"Are you sure Mr. Amar Singh that your cat pooped this morning?"
"Yes, you can ask Adaraneeya Amitabh Bhai and Poojya Jaya Bhabhi that"
"Are you sure Mr. Amar Singh that your cat pooped this morning, and not last night?"
"Erm, erm"
(Yes, I put him in the spot! Look at my journalistic skills. Let me rub my hands in glee and clench my teeth a lot more. Karan Johar, are you watching? I do ham well, don't I? Come on, let's make out, you and I. Karan and Karan, namesakes on the run)
"So, it is true. There is conflicting evidence. You've been proven guilty in flagrante delicto. Come on, hand over your passport and leave the country."
"No no, my dog pooped last night, my cat pooped this morning. I am sure of this. You can ask Adaraneeya Anil Bhai and Poojya Teena Bhabhi this"
"Oh come come, Mr. Singh. You can't get away on a mere technicality; cat-dog, potayto-potaato"

Sagarika Ghose will make me want to pluck my ears out and drill holes into my cochleas. That woman CANNOT talk. Vidya Shankar Aiyar and his minions across news channels with their contrived dramatics will continue to irritate me. Sreenivasan Jain with his absence seizures will continue to be eluded by doctors than can prescribe him Valproate. Vikram Chandra will incoherently continue with The Big Fight and ruin what was once my favorite hour of the week.

Strangely enough, the only faces I can still handle are Barkha Dutt, Rajdeep Sardesai and Shireen Bhan.
Barkha, despite her over the top antics and her I-have-to-stop-you-we-HAVE-to-go-into-a-break ways is the only one that can still put a talk show together as effectively. Hers were the best reports from Pakistan, and I saw all the other reports too, given how I have chosen to be the Official Mourner of Ms. Bhutto. (What, she keeps me away from books anyway).
Rajdeep, of course was the reason why I considered Journalism after Plus Two. The man is so genuinely passionate about politics that he doesn't mind spitting into the cameras when he is "caught in the moment".

And Star News? Let's not go there, before I start spitting into the monitor.

*Spunky Monkey will continue to be Spunky Monkey.

And all the people in his head will continue to stare in disbelief when they can actually hear him enunciate "Pelvic Inflammatory Disease is a disease where there is inflammation of the pelvis. It is an inflammatory disease involving the pelvis and there may be a lot of inflammation. Mainly of the pelvis."
Oh dang.

There you are. Eight things that will defy change even in 2008.
All these old things will continue into the next year too, wretch all our happiness, make us want to tear hair and do a Howard Beale (
"I'm as mad as Hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore!"), and make me write long rant posts such as this one.

All this notwithstanding, for people who still think reaching a new January is enough reason to feel all woohoo!, Happy New Year.
And for those of us waiting for the Revolution and not knowing what/when the fuck that is going to be, here's to another twelve months of being pissed off about everything around us.

And I can already here firecrackers around me.
Oh boy.


wanderlust said...

yours is the first post im commenting on in this new year. be tickled pink and split your face into two with a smile.

I maintain hutch is for huchch-jana. airtel rocks. actually, reliance completely rocks, but only if everyone who calls you/messages you is also on reliance.

Chetan Bhagat. Puke. why can't that bastard (first swearword of the year from me. hurray!) stick with his well-paying job at goldman sachs?

Karan Thapar... i thought the teeth-clenching and twisted face, not to mention those twisted demented words were due to constipation. Doctor, what say?

Indian media which used to inspire me once upon a time is now stuck inspiring me to clean its clock. i'm only wondering how.

Spunky Monkey... you watched Network too? Haven't come across that many who have.

Happy New Year. Next i'll wish you the same for Chinese New Year in february, then Ugadi, then Vishu, then..... we have no dearth of New Years do we?

Vague Entity said...

HAHAHAHAHA....... hilarious blog.

a fan said...

"2 reed it....itz v kewl. chtn bhgt ma favvvv ryter... :) :) :)!!!!!"
"u reed 22222222 (read, tooooooo) much buks ya...!!!
"ya ya, i m a bookie lolzzz!!!..."
"i herd sydney shelda also iz v gud ryter??????..."
"ya ya, hez ma favvv forin ryter....but ind onleee chtn bhgt. ma favvv, sply hiz l8est!!!!!!"
"ohhh vot itz abt????? :) :)"
"u no, abt peeps n all, itz v v kewl. chtn bhgt ma favvvv ryter... :) :) :)!!!!!"
"k..... :) :) :) !!!!!"
":) :) :) !!!"

MUHAHAHAHA. Bladdy phunny!! Just like the rest of the post. Monkey, you rock.

suburbangrump said...

I know who you are. went to college and confirmed. I know I sound like psycho stalker but its good to know.

Adorable Pancreas said...

Wt z dis, spnky? hpy nw yr...wt plns? gt xam nxt wk...:((((

I had a dilate-ful new year's day in the ObG theatre. Aaaah, my eyes!

Harish said...

SIkkaapaTTe chennaagittu. That bit about Chetan Bhagat antoo raaja haasya.
Indian news channels have now become what every sane person should detest.Yappa!
Nimage hosa varshada haardika shubhaashayagaLu. HeLde irakke aagalla noDi...

CW said...

A soon-to-be 30 yr old feels validated in not caring much for the new yr spirit. You've begun the year well, my boy. Good deed for the year done.

TS said...


Happy New Year.

Anki said...

haippy noo ear love


now spit spit spit

Renovatio said...

Oooh, that store's called Landmark. I was trying to remember it, as Midlands, being the next best thing doesn't have half of what I want more than half the time. I think there's one in this hotel-mall in Gurgaon.

Something good came out of 2008 already, and only twenty-five hours into the year. Wheee.

AlterinG Abhishek said...

u sure can be more cruel!!

(bows and the command over the Power to play with words and the implied perceptions)

CHeerz<- urghh>?? OKOK whatever u wish..

Ziah said...

I love your posts and your rants Spunky doc. That Chetan Bhagat and his "intellectual" admirers was priceless...:)

And ya, sorry for upsetting you, but your pink boy has sunk his fangs into your favourite news channel... see:

Tys on Ice said...

atlast! someone who agrees with moi on chetan coz borrowed his books ( yes i had one nite@...and that three point someshit) and i hve not seen her or the books after tht...normally i wud hve hunted her down, but somehow this time i was not tht inclined...

and i did see something abt shakira or was it shakila? who cares?

happy new year, stud...may the new year make u witness more appetizing coupling ...

Bikerdude said...

bwahahahaha :) :) :) :) ! ! ! !
v funee post ma fren.

Hunsemavu Sagnegowda.

Siri said...

My NY Day went with half the people I know, not talking to me. And I, in an act of uber-symbolic defiance slept at eleven P.M on the 31st to avoid hearing "Hyapppyy Noo yEar YAAR" at 12.

Oh so you watched Karan vs Karan on the Devil's advocate aa? That was pink colored pigshit no? WTF? How can he admit to wanting to make Kapil Dev cry? Admitting it was insensitive. That man is made of wood.
ANd Benazir!! Darn! If it weren't for these dumb exams, I'd be ranting bigtime about Musharraf bhai and all. Dumb egjams.

Picture this: an almost emotional Rajdeep asking Thapar about knowing Bhutto in college and he talks about some shitty gag debate on 'premarital sex' she initiated. We're all dumbstruck thinking 'Dude! Its been just one hour since she's been bumped off'. It sure was funny, Rajdeep looked confused.
What a pity no? I really liked her.

But yanyways, nice post, as always. Engineers in Karnataka have little reason to be happy in Jan. So there's no use, spreading the cheer.
The Happy New Year shall be conspicuous by its absence.

Instead, we'll say Jai Karnataka. :P (with a smiley. BTW,That sms convo was a classic. Vonly, it dislocated the pumpkin's thief's shoulder.)

Prats said...

8 pointers!!! for a ----- new year! Yes, hope you'll have had enuf of z pelvic inflammations and your exams and Ektas....wishing you lots more fun and time passess....
Have a great year ahead.
I don't like Hutch too....whats in a name that they had to change it now it sounds like some voodoo dance...

cappuccino song said...

The Karan Thapar interview bit was damn funny. The best part of course was the SMS bit. Man, I was laughing for a good ten minutes. The best thing about you is that you write what we always think of saying but hold ourselves from doing so. Heres to more irreverence and superfunniness in the "next year"!!

Kewl stuff man, really kewl stuff!

camphor said...

_but_ no more college. 'tis a change, no?

thy rants are entertaining. :)

Pavithra said...

Why did you not consider journalism? You would have been a great reporter and would at least have written honest stories. also, wildly funny ones! Just like this post and the many behind it.
Great work.

Anonymous said...

Happy new year! Pleeeeease write more frequently.

neel said...

was not in the best of moods... so i thought i ll come here... and that did the trick... still cant stop laughing... however, Sardesai, well, dnt really like him... talks too much in the interviews while he is the one who should be asking the questions... Prannoy Roy, i guess, is the saving grace of indian broadcasting...

anyway.. a new year sans all that jazz.. :)

CresceNet said...

Gostei muito desse post e seu blog é muito interessante, vou passar por aqui sempre =) Depois dá uma passada lá no meu site, que é sobre o CresceNet, espero que goste. O endereço dele é . Um abraço.

you know who said...

Doodie! This was soooper fun.
Have a great year ahead man!

Thinking aloud said...

that was one long rant...and kept us in very good humor!!!

this was a great post...hopefully you won't chew our ears off for wishing you a great new year ahead ;)

Spock said...

The last few posts are some of the best I have read anywhere. Restores my faith in blogdom. Excellent work, young doctor monkey.

Bit Hawk said...

Haha...that was really hilarious...especially the kewl kidz discussing ctn bgt and also the Karan Thapar...but the best part was Karan 'fraternity' Johar :))

Spunky Monkey said...

Whaaai are people not reading the Monkey enough? We are distressed, we'll have you know.

Priya - Oh thennks ya, fusht of all. Hutch is bastard only. I only keep it because my current number ends in a 42. I am still a sucker for Hitchhiker's, sue me.
If Chetan Bhagat can write books, I can also no? If I wrote one during internship, you think peeps will go and buy? I need money, very badly.
Karan Thapar has dementia and delusions of grandeur; the afflictions are entirely cerebral.
Yes, I have watched Network. Liked it muchly, as well. I thought everybody did a fine job, even Faye Dunaway! Imagine!
Yes yes, wish me and I will wish you back.

Vague entity - Thanks. New visitors make me very happy.

A fan - Oosh, thanks many.

Suburbangrump - You don't sound like a psycho stalker, no. But what I do want to know is HOW you got to know it was me? For, so far as I know, nobody in college knows of the Monkey's existence save two people, and they have sworn secrecy. Thanks anyway.

AP - Spnky gt bord. (Notice how it takes just one more letter in every word to make them complete)

Harish - Thanks ree. New visitor, I see. Nimagoo hosa barshada haardika shubhaashayagaLu. Neev heLid haage. ond thara conditioned reflex-u idu.

CW - The difference between a 30 and a 21 year old isn't wide, I will have you know. If anything, the 21 year old is more frustrated. For he needs to read about Monilial Vaginitis and such other dreadful nonsense. (Did I mention I hate ObG? I do, with a passion)
Thanks much anyway.

TS - Well, now that you say, Happy New Year!

Anki - Haippy noo ear to youu aalso yaara. (Is that how the Punjabis say it?) I had massive fun last year when I came to NOIDA. I would just take DTC buses and roam around and listen to these guys talk. MOST entertaining.

Renovatio - Welcome, first up. That is Landmark, the second best bookshop in Bangalore. Second only to Blossom, which unfortunately remains no longer quaint and inexpensive, thanks to vocal campaigners such as the likes of yours truly. May be I should shut up.

Abhishek - Implied Perception is a phrase I hadn't heard. Many thanks however. But yes I can be more cruel. Hear me go on about the University. I make truck-drivers proud.

Ziah - Ah, aren't you sweet! Thank you.
And I know. NDTV Imagine. GAH.

Tys on Ice - There are lots of people on the I-Hate-Chetan-Bhagat community, I will have you know.
We care about both Shakira and Shakila, what are you saying. Just not enough to have either of them be featured among the year's most defining moments, that's all.
Thanks and wish you the same.
Why "witness" only, you you sadist Mallu?

Spunky Monkey said...

Bikerdude - Thanks ma fren!!!!!!
Funny you should mention Sagnegowda. One friend of mine, the elderly sort, was telling me about a classmate he had who was called that. May be you both know each other or something. How cool would that be!

Siri - I actually did not watch the Devil's Advocate that day. I don't generally.
Karan Thapar coming out and saying she was the only one who gave a hoot about mending the relationship between India and Pak was unpardonable. Satthodru and maatrakke you can't make them heroes. Naanoo naaLeyne saaytheeni in that case. Put me on 1000 Rupee note and make a statue of me in front of the Vidhaana Soudha. Makha.
Thank you anyway.
Oh come come, I don't buy you are the :) :) :) !!!!! lolzzzzz sort.

Prats - Thank you very much. You do too. Uyy, that rhymes with voodoo too. Voo. (I have lost it, haven't I? I need to sleep)

Cappuccino Song - Yes, more irreverence indeed. Why do you stop yourself from saying things? Go anon and write a blog full of just that. Does that not sound a tad too familiar?

Camphor - That is true too. But college had its fun moments also. The cynical me just refuses to acknowledge them.
I love writing rants. They take little time to write. This one was done in 45 minutes. It has some 2000 words, which was probably why. I specialize in no-brainers.

Pavithra - I know, no, considering how mindnumbingly stupid reporters have gotten of late, I should have done journalism. I would have blended super well. But what to do, being academically swalpa decent shuts all those doors for you and opens either Engg or Medicine.

Anon - Aaithu. What about, you tell okay?

Neel - Prannoy Roy is getting old. There is no incisiveness in his questioning anymore, I am afraid. He is the precursor of Sreenivisan Jain, in that he goes into absence seizures himself too. Sardesai, I like very much. I will give all arms to work for him. By some divine providence, if he is reading this, please note Mister.
Thank you. Next time you are feeling low, have sex or eat chocolate. Endorphins are a Good Thing. Not getting enough of the former was what probably got you low in the first place, but at the Monkey's we are all for absurd contradictory theories.

Crescenet - You tell me dude, how do I block the likes of you? Que bous sobre ninn ajji thaley?

You know who - I DON'T. I swear. Who are you? Thanks.

Thinking aloud - Thanks ree. Naan Mike Tyson alla, so nimm kivi safe aagiratte.
(I wish I was Mike Tyson though.)

Spock - Aren't you the doctor? Thanks man.

Bit hawk - He is annoying that thing. Gah.
But thank you very much.

Have a happy new year all (I have thawed down; early mornings rub me this way) and where are all those readers that don't stop by anymore? We like you very much. I may be no Kate Winslet, but,
Come baaaaack, come baaaaaack.

Neel said...

advice taken, valued, and hopefully (real optimistic hopefully) be practiced... till then keep monkeying around... :)

Siri said...

Of course not, Benazir wasn't an angel. I remember scoffing and sighing at the same time, the day she landed in Pakistan, in October. But that still doesn't mean a shrewd woman with good taste and a British accent can get killed in a Rawalpindi street. no?

And her son wears Armani designer glass frames. He looked like an idiot at the first press conference. Speaks rather well actually. Damn. Some kids become party chairmen at 19. The others...
Btw, Nice article Dalrymple's.,,2233334,00.html

Anonymous said...

How many more readers do you want??? The traffic is higher than most blogs I know!!!

wanderlust said...

The funniest parts about karan thapar eulogizing bhutto were the "personal details" he brandished within an hour of her death.
She apparently sent him flowers when she was PM and his wife was dying of cancer.
She tried (unsuccessfully) to get him married off for eighteen years after his wife died. Even ms. bhutto was unsuccessful... speaks volumes about his sex appeal.
at college she was the one with a sports convertible. she used to jet off to london at odd hours to have icecream from baskin robbins.
And best of all: apparently at college, they were all discussing premarital sex, and benazir said there was no harm in it as long as it was safe. So thapar, cheapo that he was, asked if she would practise what she preached. she "put on her glasses, screwed up her eyes, and said 'yes, i will, but not with you'".
one hour after her death, dude....

and if you write book, i'll read. i'll ask all my friends also to read, and they'll ask their friends..... lots of jobless engineers with cash... lots of royalties for you... maybe you can change your name to spuny money.

Spunky Monkey said...

Neel - You you racist. Asking me to monkey around? Damn. I'll have Mike Procter after your ass, just you wait.

Siri - Good taste is questionable ya. Mills and Boon and Cheeni Kum aren't exactly paragons of creative excellence. The son is weird. He was talking in one tone during the press conference, like he was all subdued when he was saying My mother always said that Democracy is the, (and all of a sudden Hindi film inspiration came off) BEST REVENGE he goes in a completely alien tone. Scary it was.
Bilaawal anthe. Shankaraabharana antha yaak kareelilwo!

Anon - Dude, some Compulsive Confessor is getting on TV shows and getting book deals. If I had a sex life, I would write about it too. But damn, you guys are not coming and reading anymore. May anthrax fall upon you. Or worse still, let Plague give you the bubos. Avoid bubo, come read Monkey.

Wanderlust - Karan Thapar was married?! Like, to a female? Of any species? Oh. News. Karan Johar and Karan Thapar should totally get married, especially given how That Thing Pink wants to be a father after watching TZP. Such barfworthy news Zoom puts out, and damn, I watch it. It's any day better than Carcinoma cervix.
Oh yes, I will write book. About the travails of a fresh Medicine graduate and the travesty that is being an intern in any hospital. If that wouldn't be reminiscent of an Auschwitz memoir, I swear I do not know what would.

Spunky Monkey said...

And yeah that Dalrymple article is a beauty, although most of it was repeat of an article he had written when Benazir came to Pakistan in October. That man writes very brilliantly. Bought his "The Last Mughal" for a pittance and haven't so much as turned one page.

Beth said...

I can't tell you how many times I've wanted to tell Mr. Pink "We Get It." Well done!

Spunky Monkey said...

Thank you, Beth! And thanks for stopping by.

Rehmaan said...

You nailed it man. I couldn't find better words to describe the insecure Mr. Karan Thapar:
"What is the need to clench his teeth for everything? And to talk in that argh-grates-my-nerves-in-ways-I-did-not-think-possible accent?"

He tries to hard to be 1-up over his guests and he probably thinks he can scare them by his talking that way, as he barely has anything constructive to say or even the time or will to listen to a question he asks his own guests.

Sad that Indian media is in the hands of journalists with no class.

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