Sunday, October 14, 2007

The Way We Are

Our family, like regular readers of this space know all too well, is fairly complicated.
Yes, dear readers, in this latest Monkey Scroll, I return to My Family.
With it I mean, like you are all rightly guessing, my extended family, about the population of Burkina Faso, my beloved country. (Now, there's a country I'd like to take over in a coup; so I could be registered forever in the annals of history of Burkina Faso as the first man in the country to type Burkina Faso on a computer, as also to be the first man to use a toothbrush)

Digression, dammit.
Just you imagine my exam papers; once I rambled on about a disease that "stings like a scorpion, drinks like a fish (WTF), eats like a wolf, burrows like a rodent and kills like a leopard", to be disturbed only by the dirty stare of the invigilator, and thus also realize I was writing about something as uncool as Pancreatitis, meh. No offence to one of my favorite bloggers, Adorable Pancreas, of course. Besides, that line is no offshoot of my magic realism infested mind (harr, harr), but one paraphrased from a Surgery textbook that insists on referring to them as "Wisdom Lines". Ah, succinct.
Digression, dammit.

Gulzar returns to Taj Westend for inspiration; David Dhawan to jokes shared by truckdrivers on the Ambala-Amritsar highway.
I, return to my family.

We are a family full of quirks. Living in one like this has its many moments. Just like today; an uncle who abhors conversions so much that he said, "Look how these Kiristan types are infiltrating. The new 2 rupee coin has a cross on it!".
But all that is part of Being Brahmin, but of course.
Today, we explore quirks and the like of our bona-fide KanBrahm family.

1. We love Dr. Rajkumar; to life, to death, and beyond.

Now this one is quite the quirk; just like amma points out every so often. We may be a Brahmin-centric family, but we are so culturally tolerant we should all get honorary Sangeet Natak Akademi awards. The argument here being, Vishnuvardhan, the Smartha-Hoysala Karnataka boy deserves all our praise, but no. We loathe the man and his hundred dogs. To us, the Eediga boy, despite his hippopotamus wife and dyslexic children (with one of them creepily resembling a chimpanzee) is The God.
Appa has watched close to everyone of his films (206), and Amma can sing entire lyrics of his songs, and we groove to "Eef yuu cum todayy". If anybody wants to take potshots at that song, I shall personally ensure your castration. Aseptic, of course.
What a sad period it was for us when he was abducted by that Jungle Boy with the porcine whiskers. Amma, I am sure, did extra ashtottarams everyday for his speedy release. And look how much God listens to her, he was out after 108 days!
Then of course, was the day we lost him, that great man whom we love despite his "Lovw mee aar hayt mee". Amma shrieked a big shriek, and I thought she saw big lizards copulating (for you know, that is double reason to. LIZARDS and SEX! The horror, the horror). But no, it was that Rajkumar had died.
If anybody wants to argue against his greatness, or that NTR, MGR, MRF whoever was superior to him, please visit us. We will keep you occupied.

2. We stay away from Telugu people, thank you.

It's not about their surnames, no. We have made our peace with Korraguntla, Errakundi, ityaadi. It's their Balakrishna-inspired wardrobe that makes us hyper-emetic. Only Govinda can pull off orange and distemper green. No one else, not even your Mahaputrudu Chiranjeevi, or Powerstar Pawan Kalyan.
Amma also opines that the Telugu sub-caste among Brahmins spell bad news. Discord they bring, apparently. So, Telugu biddas and babus, we discard.
Also, stop giving us Gongura chutney, even if you think that's the best thing to happen to food since rice. We Hate It. It takes like dogshit. (A sock in the face for every not-so-smart Alec who goes, "Have you tasted dogshit?" That will be some Gult, I imagine)
While we are at it, a note to Hyderabad. (It's NOT HyDeraBaD please. It gives me the creeps)
Stop Imitating Bangalore.
Besides, it's just humiliating to the women of the household, if a stray plumber declares an open threat, saying "Rape chestaanu".
They were just asking for tap repairs. Jesus.

3. We stay away from Tamilians, thank you.

We are okay if you are among those that follow the Sringeri Sharada Peetham, or if you can get us VIP entry into the Srirangam temple, but others, no.
Strangely enough, it's your wardrobe again. Kongaati.
And your obsession with filmstars. And your obsession with all things Tamil. And your obsession with keeping all display hoardings in Tamil. And your obsession with speaking only Tamil even when you realize I Am Not Getting It. So basically, you are an obsessive lot.
Just what is up with that sepulchral dung-a-taka-dung-a-taka music of yours? Sheesh.
Kaaveri, Lord Ram, His bridge, His monkeys, Sarah Jessica Parker's high heels. You have an issue with everything.

4. We stay away from Malayalees, thank you.

If it was wardrobe in the other two cases, it's the lack of it this time.
It's really a simple question, voiced by many women of our family: Why don't the women wear their pallu-s ever? It baffles them, it does. (This is of course based on the Malayalee women that appear on Kannada films.)
Also, can somebody please tell these Malayalees that we DON'T put coconut on Pani Puri? And that we are tired of the "there-is-a-Mal-everywhere" motif in their incredibly unfunny jokes? Yes, we get that there is a Mal tea shop on the Moon and in a nebula 25000 light years away. We Get It.
What is WITH the non-Hindu not being allowed entry into your super temples, eh? Beats me that one.
(But I love my Malayalee readers and their blogs. Tys, AP, Sreejith etc. My best friend is a Malayalee. So there)

5. We love Kannadigas.

So, yeah.

6. We don't cut cakes on birthdays.

This is something terribly special to only our family. A quirk, let's say. With a poignant tale behind it. So, don't laugh all you twits.
We don't believe in blowing candles, because that's just pointless.
The Cake then. Brother S had a big budday party with a huge cake and all. Our grandpa died only a few days later. I had this budday party in Delhi with a huge cake and all. Our grandma dies only a few days later. Another cousin had a few days before his birthday with plans to (there you go) cut a cake and all, but my paternal grandma passed away even before that could happen.
So yes. No Cutting Cake. We cut chai, though.

7. Maggi. What's that?

This one never fails to amuse my friends. I don't eat Maggi or Top Ramen or any of those things. The reason being, they look like snakes. No, you didn't just read a random surrealism. That, my dear readers, is true. Appa-Amma did some pooja-paath at a snake-shrine a zillion moons ago which forbids them from eating anything that's slender and (what else), snake-like. (This was the same pooja that Sachin Tendulkar recently did at the same venue. We had no paparazzi then, WTF.)
So, as it goes, we don't eat Maggi, Top Ramen, vermicelli and (ah, what coincidence) snake gourd.

8. B.A., B.Sc., B.Com. People do these?

I remember a cousin from up north visiting home, and saying he was doing B.A.
"WHAT?" was what we said, I remember. To his credit, the boy was doing a Mathematics honors B.A.
While in twelfth, I seriously considered studying Law. Which was also when mom decided I was capable of murder too.
"Law! Why? You want to wear black coats all your life?! White is so much more calm!" was what EVERYONE said. Wonder what they would have said if I said I wanted to do B.A. in English Literature.
I would probably be writing this one from a seedy internet cafe.
Or not.

9. Foreign returned = USA returned.

You go hike with the polar bears up in the North Pole, or do tap dance with the the penguins down South, we don't care. Unless you make that holy visit to the United Stated of America and take teertha-prasada at the Statue of Liberty, you do not qualify to be declared "Foreign Returned". Crossing the Arabian Sea is akin to crossing Madiwala Lake.
The Gulf Does Not Count.

So there. Nine snippets from Namma Family for the Nava Raatri.
Happy Festivals.


P.S.: We aren't as maniacally Kannadiga as you may be thinking. Appa watches news in English! And Amma thinks Homer Simpson is funny.

P.P.S.: This is fiction in parts. Talk about magic realism.

P.P.S.: Talking about magic realism, I am two books short of an All-Rushdie collection. Yay me!


Adorable Pancreas said...

Gelf ees not ay faurin kandry. Eet ees mallu land. Amen.

priya said...

dude, the anti-gult part sounds too....... politically incorrect!
but that apart, BA BSc BCom... yeah, same case all over.... remember that one that went like "BA BSc BCom maadi, kelasave sigade dina alidaadi, allu illa, illu illa, waste-u body-galu"? That's the status of those folks.
surprising bit about the faarin return... i thought ppl were considered faarin even if they went to croatia, or were held by the kgb for a few years? But you're right... gelf dusend cound, unless you're one of those who really couldnt manage a position anywhere, and ended up in the er.... service sector jobs of the gelf.
i see things changing.. now you yes of yay is slowly growing passe... everyone and his sister is in dullaas, pits-burgh, bay area or new jersey. the hippest ones are those in dusseldorf, vichy, tokyo or london. Why, there's a whole sub-sub-sub caste called Thames Iyers [so called coz they perform their sandhyavandane religiously on the banks of the Thames in London]!!
Happy Navratri to you too!

Pri said...

the annavaru kidnapping was the single most exciting event in the lives of the childrens aaf karnataka. two weeks rajaa. so much fun. plus all the drama on tv. heh.

p.s. i heart the rajkumar family too, especially the sons. i have tried but sadly i haven't been able to pick a favourite. i have narrowed it down to shivudaarling and puneet.

Anonymous said...

You are a funny funny funny funny boy. This was nice!! Especially the Telugu bit. Damn good man!!

Sreejith said...

As a mallu brought up in gulti land and having lived in Chennai i found this true and funny.... truly funny! you reached your target audience eh :)

how can you not like maggi!

Tys on Ice said...

:) man, having born in kerala, worked in chennai, studied in karnataka, now dying in the gulf; i can assure u of the oft heard part that god is infact a mallu...

this is that part where u scream...

personally i think mallus are actually a virus come down frm space...sreejith and I have exponded on this theory earlier...

Ziah said...

Hehehe Spunky:) Firstly, gulf is the capital of kerala, so ur folks are right!:)

Nextly, allow me to contest you on your Dr.Rajkumar.. I seriously think Makkal Thalaivar Rajnikant is the BEST thing that happened to entertainment!! And ya, the "eef you come" track kept pushing me between the blade and the bottle for almost weeks since I first set my eyes upon it..:)*shudder shudder* (Damn you prats!)

And..... Given I'm a "black-coated" danga-takka-loving Tamil married to a mallu, I dread to think of bumping into your family, ever!! :)

Anonymous said...


Another brilliant one from the stable !!!... Had me sniggering all the way !!!...

Geeze... you almost had me cornered in front of my team at work... They were short of walking up and peering over my shoulder as to what I was up too..

All I can say is, I could only relate to your ranting in more ways than one!!!...

I know I am being repetitive, but could you please increase your postings ???... 2 posts for a month are way tooooooo less!!!...

Cheers !!!

archer !!!

Bikerdude said...

Listen boss, if you want to take over Burkina Faso, then Ougadougou dere pretty soon, ok?

Muhuhahaha. Ok I will go back and read the post now. Slurp.

Bikerdude said...

Fladdy Fulls.. no tams also eh? Even the ones that moved here in 1094 ad and have spoken kannada for 77 generations?

Seriously I'd have gone off and booked tickets back to konganadu in a heartbeat, except the konga empire threw us out in the 11th century (soon after which they got overthrown themselves. Haha revenge.) So, yeah. Youre stuck with us moor-panga types for a few more centuries, sorry.

AnSVad said...

LOL! nice post. had me in splits. so true about the 'rape chestaanu' part. btw, burkina faso already has a registered domain name - .bf :-)

a fan said...

fuck, this was a riot. man, the way you come up with phrases and integrate them with the story is something.
keep writing, and pleeease more posts please.

all or nothing said...

i'm half Tam.
But a Dig by heart.

So... :D :D :D
(you are fukking politically incorrect man. way to be :D)

pavithra said...

I mean it gets better everytime! How how how???
The freaky thing is i can associate with almosy everything you are sayin. MORE POSTS PLEEEEASE.

Anki said...

eff you chum tudayyy

nothin in the world beats that iece of motion picture creation

hilarious n all that and all that ... no doubt

Spunky Monkey said...

AP - Drudh you speeg ma YayPee. Thi Uraybian See ees jest yenother baakwaater.

Priya - Political incorrect-a? I am like that only ya. Dandapindagalu, for the first few episodes was really fun television.
In our family, we insist on a visit to the US. We even ask for photographic and videographic evidence of having been there. When in New York take the ferry ride and have a picture taken that shows all of Manhattan behind you, and then speak in nonchalant tones about your second cousin that works in the Daimler Chrysler building, or how his second cousin just missed going to the World Trade Center for talks of world supremacy on September 11, 2001. If you don't have anecdotes such as these, please don't come home. We insist.

Pri - Oh whatte fun that was! Specially the bit where Jayaprada offered to "tthyy rockhee fawr brudder Vheerappan". And when that other chump escaped, putting namma aNNa, Kannadada KaNmaNi in extreme danger. Pah, how we cursed that man.
Shivu is a cool I agree, especially in film called Savyasaachi. He is schizophrenic mutant in it, I think. Whatte naais whatte naais.

Anonymous - Shaala dhanyavaadamandi. Mali vacchhandi. Hogole ninn kundi.

Sreejith - Been there, suffered it and you say it is true. Mission accomplished.
I don't know if I like or dislike Maggi, having tasted only about two worms some 7 years ago.

Tys - Ey maa, you are a pan-South Indian figure I say! Now living in extended South India too.
God isn't Mallu, it's the temple criers that are.
What amazes me endlessly is their determination to not change their accent despite having lived here ALL their lives. I mean, my cousins roll R-s if they happened to board an aircraft that had 60 years ago touched upon American soil.

Ziah - Raw nerve, RAW NERVE you touched. Rajkumar is the greatest actor of Indian Cinema. And if I start writing about why that is in fact true, it'll end up as a huge post. So I refrain. Rajani is fun, but calling him an actor would be gross injustice to a word that is specially reserved for him - Suuuuperstar.

Oh no, we aren't hostile. Come home, we'll show you excellent Kannadiga hospitality, but be prepared to answer over piping hot Bisi Bele Bhath some politely asked questions about "just what you were thinking, a MALAYALEE?!"

Archer - See I write such godawfully long posts in a style that is SO self indulgent that I'd think anything more than two posts per month would drive the unsuspecting to stop reading blogs altogether. So, read, re-read, re-re-read and INTERNALIZE the finer nuances in the writing, and when you do find them, forget not to write in and tell me about them. Where they are, even I'd like to see.

Spunky Monkey said...

Bikerdood - Whatte peejay! Peejays I laaik.
You should have come in 1066, may be I'd have shown some consideration, given how I like the book and all. But otherwise, shtricter criteria mushht be applied ya, saari.
Anyhoo, if you can say Saaru instead of Rasam, and Chakli instead of Murukku, we'd consider you adequately acculturized. So you are okay ma BD. But there will be serious reconsiderations should you play Randaka Randaka at a party. And *danced* to it. Sheesh.

Ansvad - Why you broke my bubble huh, why why? I had a nice little speech ready for when I would take over the country, replete with cross lingual puns and such about Ougadougou.

A fan - So much I blush minns!

All or nothing - Neevu nammavaru, mareyadiri. No, it actually depends on your views about Kaaveri, and how you spell it.
Politically incorrect only ma I am. Bangalore Torpedo takes tooshunns from me. Haw. Whatte cool those torpedo guys are!

Pavithra - It's because I am shear genius. I stretch. (Okay, bad one)

Anki - See, you sitting up in Dilli recognize that song's greatness. These chumps down here say it is infra dig, or say it's their favorite because it makes them kewl or whatever. WTF. It's a fuckin neat song.
Thank you thank you.

Amit said...

I am completely with you on th assertion that Rajkumar was the best actor to have graced Indian cinema. He was a complete star, the only actor-singer equally accomplished. Please write a post about him someday. Would love to read about it. Also, the other points are super hilarious. Am new here, read your older posts also. The Brahmin post was perrfect.

I love Lucy said...

Same pinch,I say!Too much of similarities between yuvar family and avar family.Relation aa??!!
For some reason,the family has a strong dislike towards Iyengars, especially the adulterated ones aka the Hebbar or Mysore variety.
And what does dear daughter do... she ends up marrying an Iyengar!But the boy's family is originally from Chennai ,so they are the purer cateogyr of Iyengars and also family full of scientists and geniuses, so mishtake forgiven!
Nice post,ree :-)

Pri said...

awwwww schizophrenic mutants are the best kind of mutants and in honour of your wonderful post "huttidare kannadanaadal huttirbeku...."

TS said...

Ha ha, I spent three years in Bangalore. I know EXACTLY what you mean.

Kavitha said...


What a post!

I am now doubting, seriously, I think we are related. Same Rajkumar fan club. I remember all of my Mom's 6 siblings calling each other and crying and cosoling each other when that fellow-with-a-really-long-nose was kidnapped. I am not exagerating when I say, they had a special pooja done in a local temple the day he was released. Bloody hell...when the bandit was slain, it was "innenaguthey paapa annavaranna gol huykondre. Paapi"

So true about Telgites and Tams...the saying goes "Telgra timir nodu" my my...are we related? many common things cannot be just a coincidence right??

Talk to the hand said...

Basically u have something against most of South Indians??? and ure a bram!! God help u kid coz ure grandkids (if u ever get there) have to live with ure in-breeding penchant....My prayers with u.

And dont even get me started on Raj kumar and sons.

Talk to the hand said...

But then again..u are quite funny!

Anonymous said...

Itz late in the night! and i am laughing my heads off! what the fuck man!! i am a telugu, but what you write is so true. even i hate gongura chutney...
plsss post more often...

unpredictable said...

What you ARE is funny. Bleddy Phunny. A little racist, but even I'm not purrfect. So all's ok.

suburbangrump said...

Gongura patchaddi tastes wonderful.Coming from a non gult you have to give it credit. And Hyderabad, of course, is too far ahead to be imitating.

Anonymous said...

Gelf returned is JUST not enough to ba called Foreign returned.
Fuckin awesome buddy. I am hooked.

Santosh said...

Guru, taavu greatu.

Spunky Monkey said...

Alright, the second batch of hey ho, my lovelies.

Amit - Yes, a post about him someday surely. What a great man.

I love Lucy - I am telling you, us Hoysala Karnatakas are all related. I am sure we are too. Any connections with Akki-Hebbal, Aasandi etc?

Pri - Aw, they just are. And he made such a good one too. Shivu, among other things, is busy these days shooting film called Maadesa. Also, his daughter is apparently shtudying Medicine ma! Whaddya know!

TS - That we are a very parochial lot, and are an island unto ourselves despite being contaminated by the scum of the pond on practically every second corner? In which case, spot on baby.

Kavitha - I love lucy, you and I are all related. We just need to find out how. Matthe, there is something about us HK's also no? They say, Karnataka bal naataka anthe. And, Kammeyo hemmeyo (Babburkamme), Badagunaad bedagu nodu etc etc.
(These are very internal matters)

Talk to the hand - As for the first comment, pshaw.
When you came back, aww, welcome. New readers are always fun.

anon - Yes I will. Next week, mostly.

Unpredictable - Yay. I am more sub-casteist than racist. What the hell, I think Halle Berry is hot.

Suburbangrump - So you like the Gongura whatever. Good. As for Hyderabad, do NOT get me started.

Anon - Hookeda? Awesome, I say.

Santosh - If it's expensive, I want it.

Prats said...

*We stay away from Tamilians, thank you.

Why oh why, didunt I meet you before ya....I wouldn't have had to keep quite about this post...heheh

a kannadiga Rajkumar clan married to the licensing authority into Srirangam...with relations breeding like anopheles mosquito in the Tirumala land of gults, and some macher gosh( or whatever its called ) as my brother in law....I need asylum help....

Prats said...

And to add the Raj fan to tell you, that the day he died and the body went past my apartments, they stoned our glasses....and I watched in mute horror, not cos they breke it , but cos they didnt aim properly at the windows...che, aiyoo paapa...

@ Ziah...eeef u cum will be tooo late...tick tick tick....

super post...fantastic

Prats said...

And I always thought one of his sons looked more like the gigantic buffalo...and the other a cross of a chimp and a sloth bear

CW said...

Boy are u funny!!
Diggin thru' the archives..

I love Lucy said...

Naavu HK!
HK - HK bhaai-bhaai....I will not be surprised if we are indeed related in some bizzare way!

Ziah said...

Thank you so much spunky. I think I'll take u up on it sometime... Coz I love bisi bele bhaath..:) Incidentally, one of my kannadiga aunts used to use that strategy with me before I married Vivek... she'd feed me Bisi Bele Bhaath n go "Marry a nice kanneda boy, no, such nice boys they are!".. And I'd brazenly wonder just how much I could stoop for avallakki and bisi bele bhaath!!:)

@Prats - Scar me for life, and rub it in!! :-P *Abishtu Abishtu*

innyaaru? nin compulsive nitpicker-ey. said...

you got the idea of magic realism wrong.

the fiction that you speak of, is an untruth. not a reality that you have constructed yourself.

ashtoo Wiki na mukkbedvo. solpa thaleynoo oDso. alternately, don't crack badly consulted jokes =P

Spunky Monkey said...

About the last one, who are you?
And, round here we merely drop names for effect. This place is for flippant writing; and SO not for Post-Modern Writing/PoMo/MoMo/whatzits. After all, we don't talk about "writing"-y issues such as dewdrops, and motherhood, and the inner turmoils of living and loving, and such.
But yeah, we stick to punctuation. More often than not.


rads said...

oh alright, I forgive you! Ditto on colorful pants etc, but cmon, Gongura rocks. Period.


Spunky Monkey said...

Prats - Now you met me! Come on, let's conspire and root out weed. And smoke some too.(That was my attempt at being cool)
Anyway, Rajkumar was fantastic. We all wanted to go the Kantheerva Stadium, but Her Motherhood said Shut up. So we did. What nonsense the man had for progeny though. Ondakkinta ond adhvaana.

I Love Lucy - Huffkors we are related. Neevu namm sodratte chikk aLiyana shadkana attigeya naadini kaDe sambandha. Nang gottu ree.

Ziah - Bisi Bele Bhath with chips for spoons and mixture for accompaniment is Kannadiga bliss. One can stoop lower for it actually. And Mysore Pak from Venkateshwara Sweets.

CW - Who are you? But thanks anyways. I love being called funny. My teachers don't call me that ever. But then, they are just sad.

I already replied to the anonymous girl.

Rads - Welcome to the blog. And MUHAHAHAHA, Chiru's daughter eloped! So, another MUAHAHHAHA.

Anonymous said...

What about North Indians in Bangalore?

krupa said...

hilarious post!

plush said...

ahemm...yella ondhe boatu naavgalu...volle maja...and abt all the ppl that we apparently are anti anti...hmm...saar...nimgu gothu..namgu gothu..end nalli..yella "adjust"! sooper post! and yea..."eef u come 2de..its tooo erli..eef u come tomaaro...its too late...u pick the tiiime..tic..tic..tic..."....(had to write the whole thing...vanthara anthemn thara!)...
:)...keep posting!

Spunky Monkey said...

anon - One post about them someday, especially the racket their overfed kids create in calm bookstores.

Krupa - welcome, and thank you.

Plush - We are all about adjustments man. I might rant like this, but I speak in all languages to all manner of people just so they could feel accommodated. Us Kannadigas are too tolerant to our own peril.
Welcome, and thank you very much.

Marc said...

What Tamil only hoardings? Only political parties put up hoarding purely in Tamil.

camphor said...


Chennai's road-name/streetsigns and buses carry English translations.

And Bangalore? Nope. They're making a push for saving the Kannadiga culture (by ensuring all of us are forced to learn to read Kannada) that is (horror of horrors!) being taken over by Scum From Outside Esp. These Northies, Tamils, Mallus, Gults, and Others.

And never mind the Tulus and Konkans here, Karnataka is Kanadiga, right?


Lovely post though. :)

Anonymous said...

Whatever. Those are just your opinions and not all of them are facts. And I was told we have 'unity in diversity' in this country! Man what a disgrace - a Kannadiga who mocks at folks from neighbouring states and some cheapas*es think it's funny! Yet it's the same folks who 'unite' to fight enemies at Kashmir and elsewhere. We thought the web knew no racial boundaries. Now, even the web isn't spared from racism.

So be it.

THE POINT: Any more of this sh!t and the strange sensation you feel in your pants will be the hard and honourable kick of my iron-rimmed, jet-black leather boots on your sad+dumb+cheap as*.

Edmund B. Adder

Spunky Monkey said...

Marc: The last time we went visiting to Madurai and Trichy, all we saw was every manner of shop having a Rajnikanth painting and Tamil neatly painted alongside. And this be the truth. NONE of us knew where we were. Which was what prompted me to learn the Tamil alphabet, perhaps.

Camphor: TN isn't Chennai alone, no? Just like, Karnataka isn't just Bangalore.
Look, even I am not happy with the extremely right wing Save the Kannadiga drive that's been happening. The only grievance I have with these outsiders (who we are more than happy to share space with, let me make it amply clear) is how they go, "Oye yaar, Bunglor mein karne ko kuchh hain hee nahi". Yeah chump, like Dilli has a skiing resort and a beach for everyone of its Rajouri Gardens and Tagore Garden or whatever.

AND, ask most of these Tuluvas, Kodavas and Konkanis if they associate themselves with Karnataka? And a surprisingly unanimous answer would be No. They are from Karnataka, use our script to write their language, but would rather distance themselves from the state. Why, the Tulus and Konkanis would associate themselves with Bombay more than Bangalore. And the Kodavas of course have been wanting a separate state since god knows when.
So, even if a "racist pig" like me wanted to embrace them and do the bhai-bhai thing, they would push me into the nearest ditch.

Edmund Whatever: Yeah, whatever. "Nothing is real; and nothing to get hung about" is not just a blog description, it also works as a disclaimer.
And you obviously don't have a sense of humor. Okay, may be you have one that is very refined. In which case, what in the name of hell were you doing here, of all places. Go give your Kashmir speeches (remind me where you brought THAT one from) elsewhere. Thank you.

Spunky Monkey said...

"THE POINT: Any more of this sh!t and the strange sensation you feel in your pants will be the hard and honourable kick of my iron-rimmed, jet-black leather boots on your sad+dumb+cheap as*."


Sandeep said...

Good stuff dude. Loved the rant.

Anonymous said...

Rant away dude, rant away. Make those North Indian idiots eat shit. Now that Torpedo is gone, you take their place.

Spunky Monkey said...

Sandeep - Thenngyoo, thenngyoo.

Anon - I am very sad about Torpedo stopping to blog. Very sad. They were fun guys.

Anonymous said...

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