Thursday, July 26, 2007

Harry Potter 7 Sucks (Succinct, eh?)

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows?
No. Try Harry Potter and the Deadly Hollows. (the depth in the plot is astonishingly hollow)

If you think this is bad writing (which it most undoubtedly is), i suggest you read the seventh installment of the Harry Potter series, also called,
Crappy Crapper and the Craply Crap-lows.
Farty Farter and the Farty Fartows, or
Harry Potter and the oh-my-god-this-book-sucks-so-much-it-should-either-replace-Linda Lovelace-or-be-the-face-of-Whisper.

You get the hint. Subtlety has never been my thing.
(Referring to excrement is, one would think)
(But, that's for another day)

Now, this book.
The most awaited book in all of known human history. And rightly so. Not for a moment do i grudge JK Rowling the fame she has achieved, or the anticipation which was associated with her last creation in the series.
The place she told us about, the people she introduced us to, the impossible magical things/actions she brought forth to us seemed close to our hearts, seemed terribly enjoyable, and most importantly seemed believable. So much so, if somebody told me Hogwarts exists in some far corner of Northern England, i would believe him, and lament my not getting an envelope addressed to me in green ink, delivered by a tawny owl. I would.

In all my fairly extensive reading of fiction in English, it is rare that I have really, really liked characters enough to claim that I have figured that character out. Franny from Franny and Zooey was one such.
The only other such character was Professor Dumbledore; the character exuded so much aura, so much positivity, so much sureness. It is my firm belief that Dumbledore was the best character JK created.
His character being reduced to a shadow of his actual self, and casting doubts on his impeccably infallible moral fibre is the stuff literary hara-kiri is made of. This one, being one of the many reasons why I think this book was not written by JK, and was in fact ghostwritten by Madonna.

(Aside : skip if you don't have the time.
My love for the series, like most things, has an intimate personal angle. I was 11 when Harry was 11, 12 when he was 12, and so on. People have variously described me as scrawny, very thin for my age; and my hair as jet black, ALWAYS unkempt and long; also, that I have an almost pathological urge to pick fights with stupid teachers. As any Harry Potter fan worth his uppu will tell you, these very adjectives have been used in relation with our boy Harry.
So yes, I assumed that I was Harry Potter. Oh come on, don't laugh. I am sure you had weirder delusions.
Aside to an aside : I sulked for a week when this stupid little Caucasian boy called Daniel Radcliffe was chosen to play Harry. But then consoled myself, blaming it on racially discriminating, culturally intolerant Britain.)

So now, hark all,

Reasons why I think The Book was ghostwritten by Madonna -

1. The book lacks imagination.

JK did not have a specific style to speak of, but what she did have was the ability to draw her reader into a world that seemed as impossible as it was believable. And all that, because a great part of her cerebral cortex was devoted to storytelling abilities. The mere fact that she has an age-independent fan following of millions is testimony to her incredible imagination that has surprised and stunned us book after book. This element of surprise, making us read with jaws hitting the floor is conspicuous by its very lamentable absence in this edition.

2. Everything CANNOT be a chance escape.

The Wedding, Escape from the Ministry of Magic, Escape from Gringott's, Escape from The Malfoy Manor.
Agreed Murphy rules over only us Muggles, and that Harry lives in a magical world, but come on, cut us some slack. Probability was a possibility JK never considered while writing the book. The probability here being Harry and his cronies going wrong, especially when the odds of that happening were astronomically high.
Also, by chance, there happens to be a secret passage from the Room of Requirements to Hog's Head, which by chance is also where Aberforth Dumbledore works, who by chance has bought the Dual Mirror from Mundungus Fletcher, who by chance would have flicked it from Harry.
Oh. My. God.

3. Blimey, what's with the Polyjuice Potion eh?

The whole concept of this Polyjuice Potion in the second and fourth books seemed neat, alright. Very skillfully used. The flipside to this book is of course that it is used with so much impunity that one wonders if water is the new Polyjuice Potion.
A classic example of imagination doing an Atacama, or Madonna calling the shots.

4. Expelliarmus sucks. So does Stupefy.

What Avada Kedavra is to The Dark Lord, Expelliarmus is to The Boy Who Lived. You have GOT to be kidding me, specially so when he has already done this Expelliarmus thingy in the fourth book, and if Voldy is the sly thing that we have believed him to be, he must have learnt his lessons.
Like an equally disgruntled friend put it, "To claim that a spell as elemenatary as Expelliarmus to be the signature spell of the boy who was destined to bring about the Dark Lord's fall, is asking too much of our imagination's credulity". And i could not agree more.

5. Characters no. Caricatures yes.

Dumbledore wore the cursed ring because "it was a mistake; i was being a fool". Huh?
Dumbledore collaborated with Grimmelwald because "I was young and foolish". HUH?
If establishing ole Albus as human was what she was angling for, she made a mistake, this Rowling. Especially when it is indelibly etched on our minds that Dumbledore was the one reassuring character, the one element of clarity, the one pair of deft hands that unravels thread by thread, every questionable consequence.
The very woman who created Dumbledore for me, also undid him for me.
I am very, very disappointed.

Snape. Severus Snape.
Why did Dumbledore believe in Snape as much as he did? Not explained.
And to assert that Snape's unwavering, never-ending love for Lily was the sole reason he risked his life to protect Harry, especially when half of Harry's chromosomes were a contribution of James, a figure he hated more than is physically possible, seems too much of a stretch to be deemed plausible.
And of course, as JK is wont to, he dies a maha lame death as well.

Ron Weasley. Always a caricature; never liked the character. This time, was deplorably depicted.

Sybil Trelawney. A character I rather liked. Her weirdness, her quirks, all of it. More so, because Emma Thompson added a little something to her character. And this woman Trelawney, who has devoted all her life to Divination, throws her treasured crystal balls in the end at the Death Eaters. How much more abysmally could one destroy characters, like literally?

The Dark Lord aka Tom Marvolo Riddle aka Voldemort.
He could well be called The Snivelling Mouse.
Just where was the terror he invoked, the kind that had me peeing in my pants, when he came to life at the end of the fourth book? Just where?

6. Dude, where's my explanation?

Sirius Black goes Behind the Veil, and is pronounced dead. (Nobody died a less eventful death) Luna Lovegood says, she can speak to her mother from beyond the veil. Where and when did that happen between Harry and Sirius?

In the King's Cross chapter, what is the wriggling creature seen under the chair? Is it the phoenix, or Voldemort, or a poisoned mouse dying?

Aberforth, our man at Hog's Head. Just HOW did he get into Hogsmeade, especially when Death Eaters have made it their backyard? Did they let him go scotfree, because he gave them some goats for otherworldly pleasures?

Explain the Death Stick. When Ole Dumbly dies, his wand is not snapped, contrary to wizarding tradition. But when Voldy breaks his tomb open, there is a wand, which is mistaken to be the Death Stick. Whose wand was it? How do the events on the tower correlate with everything else that happens later on?
I have my theories, as do all of you. But which is the right one?
(This is Harry Potter, and NOT 2001: A Space Odyssey)

What about the Giant troops that Hagrid goes to recruit?
Where is the French contingent with Madame Maxime?
What the fuck is Grawp doing in the book, anyway?
Where were the Trolls and other beastly creatures that The Order was afraid Voldemort would recruit?
Answer answer answer?

7. Who stole your Chekhov's gun?

"could ever have been friends with Gellert Grindelwald. I think her mind’s going, personally!
Lots of love, Lily"

“Just in case they’re --- busy --- and you get the chance ---“
“Kill the snake?”
“Kill the snake,” Harry repeated.
“All right, Harry. You’re okay, are you?”
“I’m fine. Thanks, Neville.”

This woman is great at foregrounding, she is. But fair ladies and dear gentlemen, read the above extracts, and hit your heads against the nearest wall, in exasperation.

The first passage was the torn part of the letter Lily had written. While the first part was shown to us, we expected deadly secrets in the other part, which we guessed was the reason why it was stolen in the first place. But turns out, no. Snivelly Snape flicks it because it had his Lily's autograph. Aargh.
Wipe your greasy parting with that love parchment, chump.

The second passage, a rather innocuous piece of conversation. Instructing a hitherto dudhead dufus to get rid of a deadly snake, which happens to be Voldemort's pet, and oh, which also happens to be one of the Horcruxes. And guess what, he does!
(Madonna, definitely.)

8. Mumbo-jumbo.

Things of convenience.
Room of Requirements.
Elf magic (which works in mysterious ways beyond human comprehension) moonlighting as deus ex machina.
AND,
About Harry being able to see what Voldemort is up to. This little window to The Dark Lord's creepy mind seems like the silliest explanation she has come up with to give Harry a sense of what to do next. Did Voldemort not use this window to his favour, when he tricked Harry into the Ministry of Magic?
Did JK forget her own creation of the whole Occlumency concept? Or that Voldemort was a master Legilimens?

Ron spoke Parseltongue by trial and error to open the Chamber of Secrets, as he had heard the intonations when Harry spoke the tongue. And as one would expect, it worked!

(I wonder. Just why didn't Petrificus totalus work when i tried it on a nag of a classmate then? After all, i have read all about it since the past seven years)


(The woman was definitely on wild mushrooms, grown with liberal usage of lead and mercury)

9. The Amar-Akbar-Anthony finish. Taaliyan, taaliyan, taaliyan.

Madonna got together with Manmohan Desai, Prakash Mehra, David Dhawan and Johnny Lever (for good measure) to write the climax. So, they came up with a Bollywoodesque twist to the plot.

Everybody comes out to fight.
There are comic interludes as fights are happening. There, the David Dhawan touch, unmistakeable.
You know, situations where during the climax, a comedian makes a fool of a thug, while sprightly background music happens. (Think Andaz Apna Apna, or Hum Hain Raahi Pyaar Ke)
Yess, like that.
Wah, wah, kwak-thoo.

The power of the Maa. (There, our man Manmohan.)
Molly Weasley can't take it anymore. Instead of Accio-ing woks and saucepans, she Accio-s magic she hasn't used since her first puerperium and knocks off Bellatrix Lestrange (that dreaded Death Eater who breathes Avada Kedavra), like she was no more than a gnome that came in the way of her gummyboots, while on a leisurely arthritic walk in her backyard.

*and now all hold breath for the top reason why this book sucks ass*

10. THE UNTHINKABLE.

What WAS that epilogue all about?
Joanne Kathleen Rowling, just WHAT were you thinking?

Harry Potter, the boy wizard, is 36 and a father of three? With the children being called James, Lily, and oh-my-god Albus Severus? (At this point, i could not hold it. Projectile vomiting. Damn, my monitor still shows stains)
(I cannot stop thinking of Harry as a middle aged man, with graying temples, a potbelly, foul English mouth and a bad gas problem.)

ANATHEMA.
Why did you do it, woman richer than the queen?
Why did you ruin Harry Potter for me thus?
Where was the magic?
Where were you?

Was it the money? Was it Madonna? Was it the mushrooms? Was it the movies? (Because, your writing seemed like you were writing a screenplay, never a story)

I am deeply disappointed. Why, it shows.
I am affected enough to write a 2000 word article while i am in a busy posting (Medicine).
After endless discussions with friends that think very similarly, I still cannot come up with an explanation for your undoing of Harry Potter.

To undo the undoing, you had better come up with an eighth book, with the characters not beyond 18 years of age, and with a preface whose header reads, "Blimey, i screwed up".

Until such a time, we live in hope, and pretend, despite all the media hyperbole, that the seventh book wasn't released at all.
Ah, the hope.

-----------------------------------------------------------------
For D, who hated the book too, but never shied away from discussing it for hours on end despite all the masochism involved,
and Rani Rosie, who probably hated it the most, and is currently (fervently) performing cleansing rituals to remove any last traces of the abomination that was the book, from her rather Stupefy-ed brain.
Love you guys.

64 comments:

tangled said...

Oh, joy.
Excellent excellent points, monkey. I know what our next conversation over coffee is going to consist of. :D

you know who said...

I must say my intestines were as muddled up as yours with that epilogue. The one word that kept flshing throughout the book was "lame". Shrugged and said maybe 5 yr olds will appreciate it, kids do read at that age these days ;o)

Amogh said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Amogh said...

IN DEFENCE OF ROWLING

The fear for Voldemort which made Goblet of Fire the brilliant book that it was, was never sustained... (Book 5 was an anti-climax, if you remember.) And in all fairness, it is difficult to sustain such tense emotions over 3 books.

JK Rowling doesn't live in vacuum. Obviously, the hype and expectations have influenced her. (That's how she made her billion, for god's sake!) You might not have noticed, but Book 6 was like a movie screenplay too... She has an idea of what sells (and she knows that millions of kids are going to read it), and she applied that in her writing, though she might have thought of it all a decade back. (And she knew it was going to sell, no matter what she came up with... complacency is only human once you are richer than the Queen). Hence came the Bollywood version with many of the things you've mentioned, especially the Epilogue (but trust me, it will work well for kids).

The ending was so eagerly anticipated and all possibilities discussed, that no matter what she came up with, it was bound to disappoint. Given that, I think she's done okay at the end.

I think the rot started with Book 5 when the tempo of Potter v. Riddle got embroiled with the Ministry and Umbridge... Then she was playing catch up in Book 6 and rushed through a lot of it, mostly in movie-like scenes. She had to end it by Book 7 and she did, without doubt, compromising on quality.

The book was good in patches...

BUT, I agree with most of what you've said. Some of the parts are too filmy, too cliched and too far-fetched.

But, I still liked reading the book. At the end of the day, it's Rowling's book, her story and I take it as she gives it to me. Or rather as you gave it to me! (Thanks for giving me a copy!)

Quietly Amused said...

final year... you might want to do the priorities a rethink...

Malaveeka said...

How old are you now?

:)

I love when you rant.

Adorable Pancreas said...

Oh, no. Harry got hit with Avada kedavra. wait, he's not dead. yay. WTF?

Anonymous said...

Oh my god!! That was the best and most detailed account of the book i read anywhere. It is true, thou. The book sucks big time.
I can understand how you feel man.

goo, sweetie, said...

get a life.

Spunky Monkey said...

(First up, I am glad at least some people read the world's longest post)

@Tangled - Oh oh, broach the topic not. I'll rant so much, you'll kill me.

@You know who - Thanks for breaking protocol and dropping in a comment. Shows you are as affected.
"Lame" is the word, really. Whatever happened to the woman.
Whatever is up with those people who say the book was good. While I understand it is a matter of opinion, I seriously doubt if they have read the previous books. For THIS WOMAN and THAT WOMAN are definitely different people.

@Amogh - While I agree it is her book and that we must take it as she gives it to us, we must understand that WE made the series what it is today. And we certainly don't deserve to think of Harry as a middle aged man with three children.
And,
contrary to most people, i rather liked the fifth one. It told us many things we were not aware of, and gave the series a sense of direction. The sixth one was, by all accounts, just a filler. And the seventh of course resulted in my bellowing 2200 words.

Malaveeka said...

You and Tangled have blog met?

Spunky Monkey said...

@Surgeon - OYE! While you did steal my thoughts, you are a litttil bit wrong ya.
Studies also happening. (I can intermittently spout exotica like Melkersson-Rosenthal syndrome, Gerstmann-Straussler-Scheinker disease, and not look like lightning hit me, when asked what those Eastern European guys did)
But then, this is Harry Potter man. Our generation's, say, Ulysses.

@Malaveeka - I am older than 17 and DEFINITELY younger than 36.
Oh these rants are SO at one go, you have no idea. My fingers are extra springy if a rant is what i have on mind.

@Adorable Pancreas - WTF is an apt expression, i would say. Read the book (While I trash the book like it was my life's agenda, i strongly recommend everyone to read it. It is, after all, the Harry Potter finale), and you will know.
And hey, you-of-the-adorable-insulinmaker, which college you go to? I gather you are doing the micro-path-kwakthoo rounds now?
Thanks for stopping by.

@Anonymous - Thanks anon.

@Goo, sweetie - Whatever.
(But then, don't you work weekends? You know, whatever)

Spunky Monkey said...

@Malaveeka - Oye, where did you creep in? Anyways, Tangled and I have not blogmet. No.

Kavitha said...

"Blimey, i screwed up".

:-)

Yeah right....Good idea spunky....

Had plans to read it over the weekend, but now I am having second thoughts...

Anonymous said...

like they say the journey is more important than the destination. the journey was superlative n we all knew voldy would be killed in the end..so we shouldn't really be complaining. u have read the book on day1 post partum..i mean.. of release, so maybe u cudnt savour the book and only saw the glaring mistakes. i request u to plz read it at leisure im sure u'll feel better.. but, yeah.. voldy n dumbly shouldn't have been portrayed as total mamus.

Adorable Pancreas said...

Hey
I'd read the book. Wish I could say I loved it. Anyway, I'm done with the path-micro-crap, well, sort of. Long story, that. The 4th year postings have started, and I can't help wondering why they make our books this thick. It's not like we read them or anything.
Which college are you in? I'm being tortured at GMC Trivandrum. Good luck with your final year. I've heard the horror stories.

all or nothing said...

Firstly, yeah I actually read the whole thing.

Second, and the worst part, I agree =((
Just didn't want to admit it. Still don't want to, actually :((

Brilliant review, bitch :((

Spunky Monkey said...

@ Kavitha - Oh, do read it. I recommend it very strongly to everybody. A 'bad' Harry Potter is any day better than say, a 'good' John Grisham, or a 'fantastic' Danielle Steele.
(Who reads them anyway? Not any I know, but somebody must, mustn't they? They abound the footpath bookshops.)

@ Anonymous - Oh no, I read it not a day postpartum, but a day premature actually.
(Naegele goes for a toss in a day and age of internet piracy, anyway)
I do not know if my feelings are going to be any different the second time around, for I am Pavlov-esquely adapted to getting the Lame soundtrack going in my head at the very mention of the book.

@ Pancreas - Oh, you are done with second year! I hated second year. I hated, HATED, HATED it. Not one teacher in all the four subjects had any merit to be called one. But, and this is a very important but, it is probably the one year that makes the final year a breeze. Plough through, it'll all be worth it.
(Or so they tell me)

@ Chai-Paani-Kurkure-Swiss Chocolate - It would turn out to be a review, I never imagined. Like I said, when it is a rant, it just escapes my fingers. No HP loyalist, not one, would have a good thing to say about this book ya.
God, that epilogue.
GOD, THAT EPILOGUE.

priya said...

Hi,
i agree completely with all that you said, but i still like the book. for the same reason i watch kuch kuch hota hai for the fifteenth time... it's some feel-good absolute timepass thing which doesn't make you do acrobatics with your mind. nothing at all seems to go outside of the plan... the deaths arent unexpected that they will shock you. and there are too many loose ends still left.
and yes, the epilogue is definitely the worst. methinks it's movies and manmohan desai and mushrooms in that order.
ps: aberforth worked in the pub since a very long time. the room of requirement opened up into the hog's head because they wished for some food.

Spunky Monkey said...

Hey Priya. Welcome here, first of all. And yes, like your blog a lot. You NITK kids have always had good blogs.

And, really? about the Aberforth bit. I was too disgusted towards the end to really care about what went on there. All regions of my brain were up in the air screaming Lame! to comprehend anything.

But I agree about the 'not taxing head too much' bit. Which was probably also why I have watched Titanic as many times as I have. (Well, the car scene too. But then)

Thanks for stopping by.

Josh said...

I agree, the writing style was the same as JK, but the story telling was different. There was nothing new, no depth, and parts of the book seemed rushed. Not trying to spoil any details, but some of the important aspects of the previous stories contradicted, i.e. in HP4 GOF, the imposter Mad Eye Moody was able to see through Harry’s invisibility cloak, yet in HP7 DH they the story says that Harry’s cloak was special and would completely conceal the Harry, and no magic would be able to expose him. At the end of HP6 HBP, Snape stresses that Harry needs to control his emotions and close his mind, yet he really does neither in HP7. In fact he keeps entering into Voldimort’s mind. It make little difference in the story. The Malfoys seemed different, the Dursely’s seemed different, and Voldimort seemed different. Voldimort was outraged when Bellatrix was killed... by Molly. This contradicts what we know about both women and Voldimort. The story seemed sloppy by JK standards. The chapters came across overly cheesy, Neville and Percy involved areas. I am still trying to figure out the significants of Harry’s green eyes, and how he can resist the imperious curse. The amount of Unforgivable curses by everyone in this story was odd. Harry’s jump to imperious people seemed disconcerting. These are only a few of the things I have found so far. I think that there were many edits not by JK, or someone else wrote most of the book. I was disappointed.

Spunky Monkey said...

Hey Josh,

I agree with you one hundred percent.
Thanks for stopping by.

Sheetal said...

Came here through another blog, which had recommended this post.
Nice fun, well written!

Anki said...

Trust me... all those nights spent reading ...with watery eyes..falling asleep on the fat ass book itself... not meeting deadlines.. all for a book with more than a googolplex bloopers.

I think u missed out a few (in case u have the patience)

How the hell did neville know he can get the sword out from the sorting hat to kill the damn snake, especially since the racist goblins had the sword?

And the greatest wizard has no conection wt the bits of his souls.. cant the great voldemort get an inkling that his orcruxes r being detroyed for the past 2 years!!! Harry gets a head spilitting headache wen voldemort farts since he had a piece of his soul... but poor voldemort has no idea when harry si destroying the horcruxes (JK woman seriously)

N the stupid woman totally forgot to tell us what ex-deatheater snape had done to win Dumbledore trust.

n did harry ever become a freelance auror, or lived off some magical world sponsorship?

n one laast thing... these magical dudes can perform all kind of medical miracles.. join broken bones... seal deep gashes...but cant help the poor harry potter get rid of his glasses

Spunky Monkey said...

Hey Anki,

ALL of what you said crossed my mind. Even if they did not, equally disgruntled friends made sure they did. But, writing about just the most obvious bloopers off the top of my head ended up as 2200 word post. I seriously doubted if people loved the series enough to read through a godawfully long post. Turns out i was wrong after all.
May be bloopers part 2 will follow in a few days. The masochistic streak in me I tell you; is forcing me to do a re-read.

(To think of it, I read the book even before it was released, through the night, missing college the next day, losing peace of mind for a whole week, snapping at friends unnecessarily, looking like I was on crap for diet et cetera et cetera. Aargh, the angst.)

Anki said...

u are not alone... i even read the fake deathly hollows.... 2 versions...before i read the real one

n the fake ones were so much better.

Spunky Monkey said...

The fake ones were better?!
ha ha HA.
(That's a laughter of oh-fuck-what-the-fuck-happened-to-her)

Marc said...

Brilliant work, tearing apart the mediocre 7th book. What a letdown!

Spunky Monkey said...

Seriously, WHAT a letdown no?
Thanks.

Anonymous said...

Hey Gals and Guys,

After a couple of years I have finally taken the plunge to read what I have been told by many was a very bad book (a friend of mine gave me his copy to get rid of it).

Yep, agree with you completely, it is a very bad book. Swearing, sexual inuendo, middle third of the book stuck in the fricking forrest????, all the wrong people dying at the end of the book, all the loose ends, etc...

I am VERY sorry I have read the book now and will be giving away this piece of junk as soon as I can.

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Jayne said...

*looks at above posts* Ew, spam...

Anyway. I also believe that the series fell away towards the end. Fisrt book- great. As was the second, and third in my opinion. By the fourth I was getting a little sick of the melodrama continuing to surround Harry, but needless to say I still liked the fourth book. The fifth- not so much. Then there was the sixth and seventh. In which it seemed all the ideas that JK had worked onr beforehand were ditched in favour of other, (in my opinion) irrelevant-to-the-rest-of-the-stoy ideas and plot twists.

And then... there was that BLOODY epilogue. I read it and went, WTF? It reads like godforsaken fanfiction!! It's like JK's just decided to give up and let the fangirls/boys/whatever take over. That epilogue was the cheesiest piece of writing I have ever read in any published book (bar possibly Twilight).

Shame on you, JK!!

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TLopez said...

Thank you for so clearly writing what I have felt ever since reading the last book. I was so looking forward to it, but the epilogue killed the entire series for me. Not necessarily because Harry was old or with Ginny, but just because it seemed like things some things were wrapped neatly in a bow, while others were ignored. I would have been much happier if the ending was left open. I had many other issues with the book (lame way for Voldemort to die, Lupin's off-page death, etc.), but the epilogue was the kicker. I have not been even bothered to pick up the series for a reread. Tonight I was thinking of this and came across your blog. Quite a great post!

soccerfan2307 said...

dude I agree 1,000,000,000%

This was such a horrible way to end such a beautiful series. It should be ILLEGAL! She lacked so much inspiration and emotion in this book, it seems like it was written for fuckin nine year olds(the whole happily ever after ending.)It just seems like she got tired of writing and wanted to finish it off as quick as she could. I was expecting so much more and I was so dissapointed when I finished reading it. I remember I wouldn't stop whining about it to my sister for like 3 months after I read it, I still do to this day. But, fuck it you know there's not much we can do. I just like to imagine my own version of the ending, and pretend that's how it happened.

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Anonymous said...

Hilarious.
I wish I'd read this the moment I was done with Deathly Hallows and not three years later in a desperately bored instant when I went on bing and for no good reason typed: Deathly Hallows sucked.
I was begining to think it was ME.
Everyone I spoke towasall, "Was AWEESMEE!""Ron and Hermoine are so cute""Oh Bahahaha Molly Weasly kicks ass!"
While I was all,"WHY did Molly Weasly kick ass- wait did SHE use the killing curse-And no Ron and Hermoine are NOT cute, they once were in some parallel, much missed dimension but now they are an ANCIENT married couple even before they do get married and oh just gag me.
And yes, DID JK write this or WAS it an utterly poor paid ghost writer cuz where did her decent vocab go her lovable humor that had me in fits? Dumbledore is GAY??? Whatever floats your boat dude, but a little warning would have been nice.
It was like even FredGeorge's humor even died during the expanse of this book. Nobody made me crack a smile, not once. I was through a chapter before suddenly lifting my head and blinking....wait...a moment...there's something wrong...why aren't I feeling all giddily happy n hyper n shaky as I usually feel when attacking HP novel?
Is that- gasp- detachment on my face?
AM I- wait- IT CAN'T BE- BORED???
yes, yes I am. A chapter into it and I was bored out of my mind. And I'd never have believed such a day would come.
I have loved HP melodramatic moments from Phineas, "you know Minister I disagree with Dumbledore on many accounts but you cannot deny he's got style," from Fred, "Give her hell from us Peeves," from Peeves dumping moldy peas on Myrtle, "pimply, pimply!" Lupin, "you should've known that if Voldemort wouldn't kill you, we would. Goodbye Peter." Sirius yelling, "Then you should have DIED, DIED rather then betray your friends as we would've done for you!" Harry yelling, "I DON'T CARE! You have no idea how I feel! You standing there- you-""You do care," Dumbledore said calmly, "you care so much you feel you will bleed to death with the pain of it."
Snape yelling "DON'T-" and his face was suddenly mad- as though he was in as much pain as the dog in the burning building-"CALL ME COWARD!"
I loved them. They're drama, they're outbursts.Sirius was totally supposed to come back. There was totally a mystery about that veil.
Harry looked at her. Luna said so many odd things. But he had heard voices behind the veil too....
You probably won't read this since your post was years ago. But I so had to say this, still loving HP and still hating the lastbook.

Anonymous said...

Still the same Anon from the prevois post. the incoherant rant won't fit son moving on-
And I just wanted to add that the reason Dumbledore trusted Snape was because Dumbledore kept on telling Harry that Love is the most powerful magic of all,and is what will ultimately defeat Voldemort. That was more true then ever as Snape had fallen in love with Lily- and that is easy to believe as one can imagine how strong that love would be for a boy who never got anything he ever really wanted and formed a childhood attactment to the girl attractive to everybody and he let her go when she chose James Potter but he would do literally- anything- for her because Snape was clearly capable of feeling ALL emotions (hate so totally included) more deeply than others and his love for Lily was very strong. Strong enough that he could be one of the most trusted advisors to the most aclaimed mind reader Voldemort and never let the moron realize that he never was on his side- strong enough that he WOULD protect Harry- while truly loathing him of course- because Lily had DIED trying to save Harry-because this was what Lily wanted the most- because Harry has Lily's eyes. Wow. Sounds so corny. But i find it totally believable.
Especially when Snape yells furiously, "FOR HIM?" and then does the patronus charm and the silver doe comes along and Dumbledore sniffles, After all this time?"
"Always."
And because I believe that since Dumbldore WAS so good at reading people and because he knew that Snape would never stop loving Lily and because Dumby was all about love anyway he trusted Snape, he trusted that Snape would do this for Lily.
What a rant. Mine is in no way as readable or as side splitting as yours but thankyou for the laughter- making light of a situation that was unbearable and the 2200 words that spoke my mind.
Amar Akbar Anthony bit was cracking. I'm from Pakistan and I do watch some of your droll movies so, I so get what you mean.
Ciao.

Anonymous said...

Same Anon from lastpost. Incoherant rant won't fit so...
I just wanted to add that the reason Dumbledore trusted Snape was because Dumbledore kept on telling Harry that Love is the most powerful magic of all,and is what will ultimately defeat Voldemort. That was more true then ever as Snape had fallen in love with Lily- and that is easy to believe as one can imagine how strong that love would be for a boy who never got anything he ever really wanted and formed a childhood attactment to the girl attractive to everybody and he let her go when she chose James Potter but he would do literally- anything- for her because Snape was clearly capable of feeling ALL emotions (hate so totally included) more deeply than others and his love for Lily was very strong. Strong enough that he could be one of the most trusted advisors to the most aclaimed mind reader Voldemort and never let the moron realize that he never was on his side- strong enough that he WOULD protect Harry- while truly loathing him of course- because Lily had DIED trying to save Harry-because this was what Lily wanted the most- because Harry has Lily's eyes. Wow. Sounds so corny. But i find it totally believable.
Especially when Snape yells furiously, "FOR HIM?" and thenEXPECTOPATRONIM and the silver doe comes along and Dumbledore sniffles, After all this time?"
"Always."
And because I believe that since Dumbldore WAS so good at reading people and because he knew that Snape would never stop loving Lily and because Dumby was all about love anyway he trusted Snape, he trusted that Snape would do this for Lily.
What a rant. Mine is in no way as readable or as side splitting as yours but thankyou for the laughter- making light of a situation that was unbearable and the 2200 words that spoke my mind.
Amar Akbar Anthony bit was cracking. I'm from Pakistan and I do watch some of your droll movies so, I so get what you mean.
Ciao.

Anonymous said...

And I just wanted to add that the reason Dumbledore trusted Snape was because Dumbledore kept on telling Harry that Love is the most powerful magic of all,and is what will ultimately defeat Voldemort. That was more true then ever as Snape had fallen in love with Lily- and that is easy to believe as one can imagine how strong that love would be for a boy who never got anything he ever really wanted and formed a childhood attactment to the girl attractive to everybody and he let her go when she chose James Potter but he would do literally- anything- for her because Snape was clearly capable of feeling ALL emotions (hate so totally included) more deeply than others and his love for Lily was very strong. Strong enough that he could be one of the most trusted advisors to the most aclaimed mind reader Voldemort and never let the moron realize that he never was on his side- strong enough that he WOULD protect Harry- while truly loathing him of course- because Lily had DIED trying to save Harry-because this was what Lily wanted the most- because Harry has Lily's eyes. Wow. Sounds so corny. But i find it totally believable.
Especially when Snape yells furiously, "FOR HIM?" and then does the patronus charm and the silver doe comes along and Dumbledore sniffles, After all this time?"
"Always."
And because I believe that since Dumbldore WAS so good at reading people and because he knew that Snape would never stop loving Lily and because Dumby was all about love anyway he trusted Snape, he trusted that Snape would do this for Lily.
What a rant. Mine is in no way as readable or as side splitting as yours but thankyou for the laughter- making light of a situation that was unbearable and the 2200 words that spoke my mind.
Amar Akbar Anthony bit was cracking. I'm from Pakistan and I do watch some of your droll movies so, I so get what you mean.
Ciao.

Anonymous said...

Had to add:reason Dumbledore trusted Snape was because Dumbledore was all:Love is the most powerful magic of all,and is what will ultimately defeat Voldemort. That was more true then ever as Snape had fallen in love with Lily- and that is easy to believe as one can imagine how strong that love would be for a boy who never got anything he ever really wanted and formed a childhood attactment to the girl attractive to everybody and he let her go when she chose James Potter but he would do literally- anything- for her because Snape was clearly capable of feeling ALL emotions (hate so totally included) more deeply than others and his love for Lily was very strong. Strong enough that he could be one of the most trusted advisors to the most aclaimed mind reader Voldemort and never let the moron realize that he never was on his side- strong enough that he WOULD protect Harry- while truly loathing him of course- because Lily had DIED trying to save Harry-because this was what Lily wanted the most- because Harry has Lily's eyes. Wow. Sounds so corny. But i find it totally believable.
Especially when Snape yells furiously, "FOR HIM?" and then does the patronus charm and the silver doe comes along and Dumbledore sniffles, After all this time?"
"Always."
And because I believe that since Dumbldore WAS so good at reading people and because he knew that Snape would never stop loving Lily and because Dumby was all about love anyway he trusted Snape, he trusted that Snape would do this for Lily.
What a rant. Mine is in no way as readable or as side splitting as yours but thankyou for the laughter- making light of a situation that was unbearable and the 2200 words that spoke my mind.
Amar Akbar Anthony bit was cracking. I'm from Pakistan and I do watch some of your droll movies so, I so get what you mean.
Ciao.

Anonymous said...

Had to add: reason Dumbledore trusted Snape was because Dumbledore kept on telling Harry that Love is the most powerful magic of all,and is what will ultimately defeat Voldemort. That was more true then ever as Snape had fallen in love with Lily- and that is easy to believe as one can imagine how strong that love would be for a boy who never got anything he ever really wanted and formed a childhood attactment to the girl attractive to everybody and he let her go when she chose James Potter but he would do literally- anything- for her because Snape was clearly capable of feeling ALL emotions (hate so totally included) more deeply than others and his love for Lily was very strong. Strong enough that he could be one of the most trusted advisors to the most aclaimed mind reader Voldemort and never let the moron realize that he never was on his side- strong enough that he WOULD protect Harry- while truly loathing him of course- because Lily had DIED trying to save Harry-because this was what Lily wanted the most- because Harry has Lily's eyes. Wow. Sounds so corny. But i find it totally believable.
And because I believe that since Dumbldore WAS so good at reading people and because he knew that Snape would never stop loving Lily and because Dumby was all about love anyway he trusted Snape, he trusted that Snape would do this for Lily.
What a rant. Mine is in no way as readable or as side splitting as yours but thankyou for the laughter- making light of a situation that was unbearable and the 2200 words that spoke my mind.
Amar Akbar Anthony bit was cracking. I'm from Pakistan and I do watch some of your droll movies so, I so get what you mean.
Ciao.

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Начну свою историю абсолютно недавним посещением кабинета УЗИ В 25 роддоме.
Случайно попала в этот медицинское учреждение . Мой профессионал в это время был в отпуске и меня направили в 25й. Запись была на 2е сентября в 7 кабинет.
Приехав на час раньше ,пришлось уехать на час позже моей записи.
Девушка профессионал(узист) каждый день бегала , при всем при этом не закрывая дверь в кабинет УЗИ , в котором в это время уже кто-нибудь находился. Дама попалась не диалогчивая , по ее недовольному виду , незамедлительно можно было взять в толк , что диалога не выйдет , и малыша собственного навряд ли я увижу. А так называемы фото узи мне может показаться на первый взгляд вообще их аппарат не способен производить в силу собственной древности . А самое главное что меня поразило , это отсутствие презервативов или же даже напальничков , вместо всего этого была ПЕРЧАКТА , даже не обыкновенная медицинская перчатка , а такая полиэтиле́новая , похожие я видела на АЗС Лукойл может показаться на первый взгляд , чтобы ручки не марать об автомобиль и пр. И одноразовых пеленок судя по всему в этом учреждение никогда не было.
Знаете , порой складывается впечатление , что ты приходишь не в поликлинику, а в магазин за колбасой ,такие же недовольные рожи в белоснежных халатах.
Чуть позже напишу фамилию УЗИста , пусть держава знает своих героев!
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Showren said...

Wonderful, couldn't agree more.

Just one more note to added to the confusion. Remus, who was sprinkled throughout the book as a fairly major character. He's in what seems to be gearing up to be an epic battle one minute and a few paragraphs later he's just listed as "among the dead"? Not even a death scene, really?

I have two friends that loved the series as much as I did, but didn't seem to mind as much. They gave me lots of excuses and a lot of " JK Rowling can do no wrong" It feels good to know that I wasn't the only one offended by the end of the series.

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Anonymous said...

Oh my fricken goodness, would you shut the hell up! First of all you obviously have the reading skills of a two year, so let me explain somethings to you.
A main point in this book is the unravaling of Dumbledore. Harry had always seen him as something more than human. The fact is, he wasn't. Was he an exceptional wizard? Yes, of course. That does not mean that he didn't make mistakes and have reasons to be ashamed of himself. Harry finds his whole understanding of Dumbledore shaken by the incessent tittering of Rita Skeeter( a person i am finding very similar to you). You learn the path of Dumbledore in this book; his struggles, his family, his journey to the responsible if not a little mysterious man he became.
The use of Expelliarmus is to show that Harry is not the violent, heartless, get-whatever-he-wants guy. Thats Voldemort's job. Especially in the end when this is the final spell used to kill Voldemort, it symbolises Harry's need for a fight only when he is threatened. He knows it is not his place to be in charge and prideful(that is also why he doesn't keep the Elder Wand).
In Kings Cross the dying thing is the piece of Voldemorts soul that had attached to Harry.
Aberforth already worked and lived at the Hogs Head. He didn't magically appear for the last few chapters. The Death Eaters probably didn't even know who he was, as he was lost in Dumbledore's shadow. J.K. even mentions him in the other books, just as the old, scraggily barkeeper.
The wand in Dumbledores tomb IS the Death Stick, Elder Wand, Wand of Destiny, etc. It was Dumbledores, he was disamrmed by Draco, and in the seventh Harry defeates Draco in his house. So the wand is really Harry's which is why he was able to defeat Voldemort.
Harry is able to see into Voldemorts mind because Harry is the seventh Horcrux, a piece of Voldemorts soul lives inside of him. Voldemort didn't try to use the connection after the 5th book because it says that being inside Harry's mind was torture, because it contained things Voldemort had no understanding of(love)and that frightened him.
I agree that the epilouge wasn't the greatest, it was kind of a lazy ending. But hey, doesn't Harry deserve a nice ending. I mean the kid'd parents and many of his friends were killed. At least it was better then some of the crap written nowadays(encluding your post)
:)
Love,
A real Harry Potter Fan who knows what they are talking about

Anonymous said...

corny corny corny...seriously what pisses me off the most is how the all powerfull and brilliant voldemort is made to make such stupid mistakes towards the end.A model student and highly calculating person would overlook essential details that a muddled head loser like harry could easily gain?
seriously? the 6th and 7th books are like a phaltoo cheap romance novel....poor voldemort..

Anonymous said...

also if we are talking about the movies....daniel radcliff as harry potter...rupert grint as ron and emma watson as hermionee(pardon my spelling)..point is the last 3 books were made to fit along with the movies....I guess when one gets richer the drive to write is fondled by galleons or whatever other nouns are associated with wealth...

Anonymous said...

Voldemort made those mistakes because he let his anger cloud his judgement. Look how he slaughtered all those people at Malfoy Manor!

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