Sunday, August 3, 2008

The Unbearableness of Being.

Like someone said, we are the children of nothing.
There's no great war that defined our resilience, when we could all break out in choruses of Vande Mataram with Hemant Kumar's music.
No great depression that tested our perseverance, when we could end up writing films and having Henry Fonda clench his jaw and say what were apparently words.
No freedom struggle, when we could sing Ekla cholo re while going to the bathroom and feel we are part of something larger.
No counter culture movement, when we could pretend we loved Joan Baez and Jefferson Airplane, and spout invective while high on God alone knows what.
No Emergency, (unless you count my 15 day stint tainted with blood and gore), when we could shuffle around in Kurtas and feel important, all the while thinking what the fuck has JP Morgan to do with any of this jail business.

Agreed we have the internet and free porn and sites to download free music from, but what good is it when I am stuck in the hospital 25 hours a day?
Agreed we have reality shows we could cry hoarse about and be known as the voice of India, if you know what I mean (of course you do); but Derek O'Brien is doing that already anyway.
Agreed we have Global Warming and Al Gore and electric cars and Leo DiCaprio, but that is like 12,ooo miles away.
Agreed we have the Beijing Olympics and the prospect of a Tienanmen square, but what chances that Jeff Widener pops up there and I get to be The Unknown Rebel? I am sure Dermatology wouldn't give me permission to so much as go to Byatarayanapura, let alone go to Beijing and face a bunch of tanks.
Agreed we have cloning, but have you heard a name beyond Dolly? Agreed we have the Spirit and the Opportunity too, but we would get to Mars sooner than we would get Deve Gowda dead, which is never.

So really, nothing defines us, unless you want to call us The Undefined and sound like a Clint Eastwood film, which is never a good thing. Do these bomb blasts define us? No, they don't. They just define Breaking News, in a weird literal way.

I represent nothing. I represent nobody. We are all a motley crowd defined by nothing new. Do not even get me started on the iPhone.
As an intern in a big medical college hospital, I am a bottom dweller. There is nobody beyond me on this side. And there was a time I used to say the exact same words, and feel exactly the opposite. I take orders from people who are aberrations in the concept of evolution, from people who are human mutations of the bird species that went extinct in Mauritius.
I listen and nod when they say they write fan mail to Chetan Bhagat.
I nod along when they listen to "We got a little world of our own" in the Emergency Room and say Rock is so awesome.
I laugh my head off when we are trying to resuscitate a patient three heartbeats away from death and the radio in the ER screams "Kolle nannanne..." (Kill me).
I sometimes get confused about the meal I am having. Supper, lunch, dinner, breakfast, snack... all different words for the same thing - Carbohydrates. Much like us interns. Roger, Rohan, Romeela, Rusvan, fair, tall, dark, blonde, white, Kannadiga, Slovakian, Herzegovinian, Kongaati, all boundaries get blurred. It's always a nameless, faceless, pair of legs that locomotes, and carries with it a pair of hands that can write, and a pair of vocal cords that says "Yes, ma'am" to the call of "Intern, go bang head against wall."
I have come to hate people, because people always have something to say, and it invariably involves central lab, biochemistry lab, microbiology lab, biopsy reports.
I am traipsing a path dangerously close to both insanity and indifference. It's tragic that I don't stick to one side.

There is so much I can tell you all about how disgusting and how exhilarating being in a hospital could be. The transition between the two does not take longer than two seconds at times. But that's for another post another time. Or for another book, which, going by my atrophied brain status would be called something as imaginative as The Devil Wears A Stethoscope or something.
For now, I gotta run. There is some PG throwing super convulsions because I did not get some report (that nobody gives a shit about anyway).
Oh yes, I am stealing somebody's internet right here in college. Suck on it, medico bitches.

The travails, the travesty, and other such trash.
Ah, internship.

P.S.: The initial bit had nothing to do with anything. I just love Tyler Durden.

P.P.S.: Thanks for all the mail. I am, erm, good. How are you?


Somebody Else said...



Anonymous said...

You're baaaaack! and how!!
Learn to enjoy internship though. i survived it and looking back, it was probably one of my happiest years.

priya/wanderlust said...

neevu interning... naanu software engineer in training. in the time i get to work, i could have as well flown to singapore and back. people nod with the intention of humouring my incoherences each time i crack a pj that would have had my collegemates doubling over with laughter. i'm stuck between oye-yaar-wotijeet and bengalooru-kannadigarige-kaaveri-nammadhu types.
unlike you, i don't have the satisfaction of saving lives yet... or possibly, ever at all.
all my angst seems to be evaporating after reading the bit about being a child of nothing... don't know how good or bad that is.
apart from that, life is great.

Pavithra said...

God, your inflections. Always so spot on.

manu said...

forget emergency, revolutions and war.. there are problems galore just the response that missing.. and hence the definition..

but that aside. liked your blog and writing.

thendral said...

Reality shows and in your face. Write more.

Kavitha said...

A post finally....

and what a post!

Internship will end...It will surely...Life after that is another long story....

Cheer up maadi neevu...

Children of nothing is a great thought....

the Monk said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
the Monk said...

It's a good thing, I think, that we need to look within to define ourselves rather than look without. For instance, we might end up finding something like the Shiv Sena.

Arjun Sharma said...

The Shiv Sena is being made to sound like a bad thing here.

They make medical internship look so nice on "Grey's anatomy."

Nitin said...

You are super. What fabulous writing!

frissko said...

Was reading this and couldn't help smiling a wry sad smile. Hang on dude, remember what bio teachers tell about caterpillars and butterflies :), who knows, 10 years from now you could be telling Priyanka Chopra how to make her skin look younger...

Malaveeka said...

I feel exactly the same way.

Anonymous said...

God. You need to take a break.

Or maybe I shouldn't have posted this, since you hate people.


a million different people said...

Nothing is so in nowadays. Like weird was, a couple of weeks ago. "I don't know" is mine. You can have nothing.

I'm jealous of you. You have stuff to do. And people to save. At least some smile at you, no?

PS: Listen to Dylan's Hallelujah. :)

Anki said...

Dodo was the bird
of course it mated with some doc in mauritius

I cant believe Tyler durden is such an influence

n ironically enuff u r going down the chetan bhagat way
vernacular humor derived from a generation of docs n engineers who know they cud do better but never did

hah... see all comments arent compliments intern boy

tc .. n let us know when u finally break free

Spock said...

Haha at above comment. What was that all about anyway? You doctor monkey are quite the cool one. But write more often. I gather you are in dermatology? But damnn, you doctor people get to do such interesting things man.

tangled said...

What is a huyn?

Stalker said...

Do these bomb blasts define us? No, they don't. They just define Breaking News, in a weird literal way.

That was -
a. funny
b. somewhere close to where you study right??!!

Tada. I know where you study!!

thunderskies said...

intern posted in dermat... thats the nicest post to b in.. hv u ever had to take a fuckin CD frm one hospital to another? then u ask urself.. arent i a medico ??

Enjoy ur internship!
life after that pretty much sucks...

TS said...

I'm confused.

Was this a rant or a philosophical argument of sorts?

Well written nevertheless.

And can you please start taking giant strides bookwards?

thunderskies said...

And oh yeah !
1. i think i now need to take NSAIDs for the backache u gave me... for i hv now read all ur posts...
2. i think my parents are now convinced that i have lost it wen they heard me laughin oh-so-loudly at 00:00hrs !!!
nice blog ;)
nostalgic... i miss medical school now :(

Nomad said...

So I checked this site, again, out of habit and without much hope.
But then, instead of closing screen today, I got up, got a glass of water, settled comfortably on the chair and with a big smile, started to read.

p.s. The atrophied brain or whateva... is brilliant.

Adorable Pancreas said...

Lok at the nright side. At least you don't have exams now.

Tys on Ice said...

spunky...hold on pal...what u r doing is bigger that all of hold deal with death...question you do, like your shastras tell you to....but heal at the end of it...

dont become an automation...a doctor without compassion, without passion, without anger, is a dead man treating the living dead...u r bigger than that...

did i come across patronizing?...damn, iam so fucking sorry.

Quietly Amused said...

dai enjoy your internship. it's the last responsibility-free time in your life. being the bottom feeder isn't always bad. as for pancreas' comment on not having exams... again it starts now. so have fun. live each day. eat and sleep at the first available opportunity. will wallop you the next time i see you if you crib :-)

MM said...

You know aa Spunky? Your blog has been featured on MTV website's "Bloggers Belt"

And mine also.

At first I was very miffed that they did this off without telling. Please see latest post in blog.

Bloody. They have put them up for rating and all.
This is all very wrong, no?!

Just thought I'd let you know, because no one bothered to inform me about their little shenanigan.

MM said...

Your name is Pavitra, is it? MTV says so.

Hilarous blog by the way.

Spunky Monkey said...

Huyn. Say wha?

Spunky Monkey said...

Who the fuck is Pavithra? Not I.
I am Spunky Monkey. With a definite male sounding name. I am offended.

MM said...

Ok, I am slowly losing interest in this whole thing, but listen, do.

Go to

There they have:
listed your blog, without your permission,
are calling you Pavithra,
are rating your blog,
are making money from the number of views your site is getting (see Fiama De Wills shampoo ad on top of page when opened from there- Beautiful you. Today, Tomorrow.)

Does this irk no one but me??
And what is Huyn?

tangled said...

I love that everybody wants to know what "huyn" is.

Zanychild said...

i will b bak to read the post
seems interesting

Zanychild said...

tht is life plain reality!
u just struck in the middle with no means to get through of of everybody's mess!
but time and again everything solves on its own or we just forget the issue!
all in all life is black and white and mabbe a bit of grey!

gay banker said...

I love your blog. It's wildly funny.

all or nothing said...

aiyyo. yEn saar? post-post-modernism aa?

Muse! said...

Wow! I know you. I am not surprised.

Anonymous said...

Write man write. Write.

noodles said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
noodles said...

welcome back.. part of being a medico.. i m so jealous.. i wish i were a medico..!

Anonymous said...

Lost in Cyberspace? Come back, will you? We are all missing you a lot!

shilpa said...

Wonderfully written!!
I agree...backstreet boys are not and have never been a rock band!Haha..bang head on wall moment when someone suggests it!
Speaking of missions to mars..that would be cool...perhaps after the hyped' moonyatra'?

Spunky Monkey said...

And I shall reply.

Somebody else - Thanks man! And yes, you are first among what, some 2 other people. Where ARE my readers?

Anon - I guess I should stop cribbing after all. Internship has been fun, it has.

Priya - Oye yaar, rilax kaar. You know one of those things. Nothing is as bad as it seems. For all you know, the Oye yaar types might have lots of Wodehouses or Kubricks, just to prove a point. Then see, life's jingalala. Ever heard of friendships of convenience? That's the only kind I heard of.

Pavithra - Ooh. On enough?

Manu - Nothing that's happening is out of the ordinary. I am waiting for the World War.
Whew me, you liked my blog! You'll get a quota of your own now.

Thendral - I love the word thendral. I hate Tamil though. I will write more.

Kavitha - Thank you! Life after internship. Oh god, I haven't thought of that even.

The Monk - Looking within, looking without, mere palle nahin padte yaar. I dufus.

Arjun - I gather you have a Grey's Anatomy obsession? Go on, tell me it's McDreamy. Go on, it's okay, we are all supportive.
And yes, internship is cool and it is a TV show.

Nitin - I know no!

Frissko - Why does the thought of butterflies have terrible connotations in my head? I COULD be telling Priyanka a thing or two. Like, use products you endorse. Fair and Lovely, it is called. En karee hudginappa.
And, I watched Dostana. She is ayyoramarama hot. The sort Amma would say is "Kappgiddroo lakshanavaagidaaLe."

Malaveeka - Like how?

Anon - My blog, I do what I want. What the fuck? And there is an instance of unnecessary combative spirits.

Spunky Monkey said...

Nothing is in nowadays huh? What about extreme right wing ideology among impressionable youth? I wouldn't know.
How could you be jealous of me? I run down to the lab with pee samples in my hand.

Anki - Thank you? I really don't know what else to say. I am kinda like zapped.

Spock - Cool aa? Whatte! I do do interesting things though. Like the other day, I changed a woman's colostomy bag. It was so full of shit.

Tangled - A huyn is a word. A sound. Onomatopoeia or something like that.

Stalker - Keep it secret okay. Shhh.

Thunderskies - Life is sucking already. What the fuck.

TS - Oh, book I will write of course. Even if it is a humorous sketch of life in Jayanagar which veteran comedians make pamphlets of and give to random strangers in 4th block, Jayanagar near Arya Bhawan retired people kaTTe. I speak so irrelevantly.

Thunderskies - I will miss medical school too. There will be no more morons to entertain me.

Nomad - Water is cool no? I just have always thought so about it. Also blood. Supercool stuff.

AP - Huyn. What about entrance exams? Kochhu, wake up.

Tys - Thanks for making me feel nice about myself for two full seconds. And then, shit rounds again in the morning. When K will screw me for a stool routing not being ready. Sigh.

Spunky Monkey said...

The rest, thank you! I just ran out of things to say. My funny bone is dry as well, as a bone. So I am squeezing nothing out of it. I felt I had to type something out today, you know one of those compulsions I act on. Occasionally. Hence the Hey-hos. Keep visiting this place though. I will never shut it down, it has made me incredibly happy at times. And to those times, I owe the sporadic scribbling, stupidly senile though they are. Age is catching on, and these new age blogger kids are so much cooler, and have such smart things to say about recession and markets and you know, such super stuff. While I mope about stupid arthritis. Uncool.

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