Friday, May 18, 2007

So, some surgeons are lecherous

There are all kinds of surgeons. (You know, that bunch of slightly over-educated barbers.)
General surgeons, pediatric surgeons, plastic surgeons, neurosurgeons et cetera et cetera.
Most are good.
Some are just plain awesome.
Some are well, lecherous.

I know one such. Let's call him L; L for lecherous, L for lascivious, L for loser and L for first letter of his name. He happens to be a professor; or so he professes. His
small stature is in absolute inverse relation to his Legendary Libido. I think he has a lardaceous, ladoo-munching low-life for a wife. But then, that's just my conjecture.

Now, our man Casanova was to take a tutorial class for us.
This is a class where we take a case which might come for the exam, present it to a consultant and strain cochleas to absorb every whisper that emanates from their halitotic oral cavities. You know, we are kinda desperate; and they kinda stink.
This week, like i mentioned already, L was to come and shower surgical nuggets all over us. His tutorials have characteristics completely their own. At least, unlike any i have encountered thus far.
He -
* makes the girls come closer, to each other, and to him.
* forgets the guys, for all practical purposes. (No, i ain't complaining.)
* insists that the girls tuck their identity cards to their white coat sleeves; and insists on peering down them, just to know their names.
* sometimes pulls them from their coats, and none too subtly while doing so.
* is a syphilitic bastard.

What was the case that we were presenting, one might ask.
You know hernia, dear readers?
You know hernia, you do. It is something that pops out of one's groin (generally).
You know hydrocele, dear readers?
You probably do not. It means fluid in one's testes.
Our patient this time, had both. Aww.

L walks in like a Little Mouse, all prepared to do L talk. ('reys the leyg, reys the heyd, do the teyst', 'Chaurasia is a flute singer' etc)
Patient strips waist down for thirteen pairs of eyes to fix on his things.
L starts.
Girls closer, boys forgotten..the routine.
We do not know what kind of sick behaviour it is, but he always asks the girls to examine the testes and the hernia. The test, by the way, involves some serious grabbing at things. He prods on extremely hesitant, rosary-counting types to make the 'swelling' more tense. This is not some ploy to teach the students better, but the man is so into cheap thrills you want to call him Rakhi Sawant.
Another test involves using one's index finger to do some poking around in certain delicate areas. And his idea of questioning us is to turn to a girl and ask, 'Why not the middle finger?'
There is another silly exercise where we need to localize the hernia using three fingers in a specific manner. In such a scenario, what is the need to take a girl's hand and hold individual fingers, all in the garb to teach us, while he could use his own fingers, that non-amputated bitch.
Cheap shot. (And the man is not getting enough action)

While all this lewd behaviour does slightly irritate me, what really takes my goat is this. During exams, the mere presence of slightly hypertrophied mammary tissue on a humanoid bearing XX ensures spectacular success (according to one running legend, he makes people bend to retrieve paper from the ground). While the unfortunate other half with the weak Y suffers untold indignation for not knowing enough Bailey, Love, Das.

What is this undue advantage to the fairer sex eh? To say, no girl in my batch is even fair.
Totally unfair.

As for Mr.L, balls to him.
(Or, maybe not)


tangled said...

Very acerbic. I deeply sympathise, I do.
Does he wear corduroys? Our version does. And he jiggles his foot when he talks. Sigh. All these Ls are rather hard to put up with.

that thing said...

thankfully, we are spared lecherisms.

all our male teachers are gay.

though i'm not going to admit that about one of them. (you know which one.)
simply because he's too smart for us.

he total lecherisms jhumpa lahiri.
so, no, he's not gay.

but this L bugger is something new onlee. skin creepy types. yech.

Quietly Amused said...

Awww would you be refering to my ex professor? his wife died a few years ago by the way and the leching apart he's a dude surgeon with one of the best surgical hands i've seen. but yeah he is more often than not a bastard.

Sneha said...

Aiyo. Thankfully, I have never got such extreme cases of ladoo- munching-low-life-grossness.

Wonder what your dad would say if he read this:-P

Dads commenting on blogs can just about make anyone's day though:-) There have been some rare occasions when my dad and I have sent small mails to each other even though we were sitting in adjacent rooms. The internet can be a wonderful thing at times.

P.S: The favorite book section changed again! Do you like the book better or the movie?

Amogh said...

Every college seems to have such teachers, or at least with such reputation. Medicine seems to offer more scope for such teachers though...

But I believe that teachers normally deserve more respect than they get these days.

As one of my nicer teachers used to say: "Ondu aksharam kalisidatam guru"
And following that "Guru...

Anonymous said...

Ew. gross it is.
but funny as well.

Spunky Monkey said...

@tangled - He does not wear corduroys, although an out-size tie is a constant fixture. He walks like a mouse. I don't know how that works for a biped such as him, but that is the impression one gets when one looks at him. He is like an, er, rodent. An annoying, small rodent.

@that thing - That teacher you speak of, he is gay too. Jhumpa Lahiri is a safe bet, for the 'intellectuals', (or those that run around in jubba-jeans with a keratin jungle for facial adornment.) as are Angelina Jolie and Salma Hayek for us lesser lot.

@quietly amused - No, the L reference was not for him. Although i do see a post about him coming up. It is my belief that the scar he has near his upper lip was the handiwork of an irate nurse that could not stand him in the OT. He annoys, that one.
But this L is another one. Clue, his name rhymes with loincloth in namma kannada (yay! for such happy coincidences). You might know him.

@Sneha - Good for you.
My dad, or nobody else in the family for that matter, knows i blog. Not even my college friends. So, the target audience is kinda lost. But given the content of my writing, and how BADLY it is written, i prefer the cool shadow that anonymity offers.
The book, the movie, the interests keep changing. But one thing that does not, is that 'Confusion will remain my epitaph.'

It is one of those rare instances where i liked the book and the film equally. In fact i think the film offers an entirely new array of interpretations and is visually SO stunning. One of the very few instances where i have seen a film do absolute justice to the book is this. As also, Remains of the day, by Kazuo Ishiguro. Brilliant book, brilliant film. Anthony Hopkins in the film is ohmygod.

@amogh - They ain't getting no respect if they insist on behaving thus, and like you said there are loads out there that fit the bill of an L. Medicine, like you rightly pointed out, does offer more scope. Especially when on examining a breast case, the teacher also encourages the girls to palpate their own breasts regularly for lumps etc.
(It is a good thing, by the way)

@anon - Well, thank you. And who are you? Never mind, actually.

tangled said...

Hmph at terrible puns. Also, what was it I was supposed to ask you about?

Spunky Monkey said...

Oye, you are rating my merit based on cast puns? What does that become? Cast-rating?

(Terrible puns are tolerable on one's own blog, i suppose)

I wanted you to ask me about the fabled apathy in big big haaspitulls. You know, like rhetoric.
I have known of legendary instances of unimaginable apathy in hospitals.

pRicky said...

the things doctors in making have to live through...
no wonder they can disassociate and be professional!!

Malaveeka said...


I called one 'Chooth' to his face.

He no longer touches me.

I am happy.

that girl in pink said...

yuck! i feel bad for the poor girls who have to put up with him!


bebbidolleeng said...

you celebrity!
i toleja, rhaakshtaar!

Anonymous said...

one more horror story from the world of 'to-be-medics'...

nice-ish blog overall!

Spunky Monkey said...

@pricky - Oh, the things we have to do! Tell me about it.

@malaveeka - Good for you. Recently a friend encountered similar situation. She treated that one quite right, apparently.

@that girl in pink - Yes, one does feel bad for the girls. And did you watch Antakshari today, did you, did you?

@bebbidolleeng - yay! cumaan, shtaap with the surcaassum ya.
(notice lower case)

@khyati dayani - Why, thank you. You a medico a yourself i gather. Thanks all for stopping by.

tangled said...

Perhaps in less public domains.


Spunky Monkey said...

@tangled - say wha-?